


Even If I Tell You, Nothing Is Going to Change

by Fridoline, Galexyi



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, POV Alternating, Roleplay Logs, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, secrecy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21961840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fridoline/pseuds/Fridoline, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galexyi/pseuds/Galexyi
Summary: Post-debut, Given is working hard in the music industry to climb the ladder of success. But with fame comes a lack of privacy. Keeping up a relationship while holding it secret from the public is already difficult enough. Having your soulmark form in the middle of a PR tour makes things even harder. Especially when there is no time nor privacy to tell your boyfriend and discuss what this could mean for your relationship and by extension the fate of the band.How hard can it be to hide that mark from the public eye as well as your boyfriend? And what happens, if you discard your fated soulbond for the sake of your current relationship?
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki
Comments: 16
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the log of an ongoing RP between Galexyi and Fridoline  
> Character portrayal can be a bit OOC  
> Expect lots of drama 'cause we like to make the boys suffer  
> Since this is an RP, plot and character interaction is very reactive and interactive  
> POV changes are indicated by a double space between the paragraphs

Haruki sat cross-legged on the white chair at the small table in front of the window in their hotel room. The thick curtains were drawn and hid the nice view from one of the top levels of the building, but some of the lights of Tokyo's night life still shone through the thick fabric.

Haruki's eyes were focussed on the little laptop screen on the table, though, so he wouldn't have been able to appreciate the view even if the curtains were open. He was studying their schedule for the next day, committing the timetable to his memory.

After their debut, Given was doing fairly well with the usual up and downs of the industry and thanks to some networking, and probably a lot more luck than anything, the band had been gifted with a few good PR chances in the form of gigs on TV programs.

For their appearance in a breakfast show the next day, they had been booked into this fancy hotel. Haruki was sharing a double room with Akihiko as did Ritsuka and Mafuyu. Their manager's room was just across from the older members.

It was still weird for Haruki that they now were picked up in a black, unmarked van with tinted windows to get driven to the venues instead of him driving his own car. All this change was exciting and also somewhat terrifying, but as the eldest and the appointed leader, Haruki had to keep his nerves together. He was really glad to have Akihiko by his side, it gave him the needed strength and confidence. Of course, the other boys did, too, but Akihiko was special to him, not only because he was closer to his age than the others.

The light of the screen was starting to hurt in Haruki's eyes and he tried to blink the strain away with zero success. Maybe he would have lasted longer, had he worn his glasses but they were still buried somewhere in his suitcase, which laid unpacked on the floor at what he chose to be his side of the double bed.

Haruki leaned back from his hunched over position and let out a small, pained groan while he stretched his upper back, arms overhead.

It wasn't that late yet but he had a feeling he should get ready for bed anyways since he'd probably be too lazy to do his evening routine properly later.

"Is it ok, if I take the shower first?"

Normally, he would let Akihiko go first so that the wouldn't have to wait so long, because Haruki could take his sweet time in the bathroom.

Akihiko hummed his agreement, eyes still fixated on the glowing white screen in front of him. His back was starting to ache from his slumped position against the bed frame, fatigue heavily engulfing him. Rubbing at his tired eyes with his free hand, he continued scrolling through the chatroom he was currently in.

The messages flew past the screen as Akihiko continued skimming through the contents of the messages that he already knew by heart. His friends were all but gushing over their newly formed soulmarks. Those who were fortunate enough to find the identical pair to their soulmark boasted of their good fortune in meeting the loves of their lives. Others speculated excitedly over their prospective soulmates.

Biting down on his lower lip, Akihiko wondered about his own soulmark and soulmate. His soulmark could appear any day now. What would his soulmate be like? What would his soulmate think about him being in a band? Would his soulmate like the attention or shun the spotlight? Could he have already met his soulmate? Frowning in contemplation, Akihiko ran his hand through his tousled hair.

His gaze shifted in Haruki's direction as an idle thought hit him. Had Haruki's soulmark formed yet?

Akihiko quickly dismissed the thought, shaking his head at himself. No way. Haruki would never keep something so important from him.

Affection washed over him. In the various tough times since Given was first formed, Haruki had stood firmly at his side and supported him through thick and thin. Sometimes Akihiko wondered how he even lived before Haruki came into his life.

Haruki took notice of Akihiko's affirmative noise and got up to kneel down by his suitcase and fish out the charging cable for his laptop and some night clothes to change into after his shower. The clothes he found immediately, but the cable wasn't where he thought it would be. Puzzled, Haruki kept rummaging for it but stopped before the content of his suitcase would turn into complete chaos.

His gaze wandered to Akihiko, sitting on his bed, looking tired. But he seemed to be absorbed in whatever he was looking at on his screen. Akihiko was wearing a small frown, which formed a cute little crease between his thin eyebrows. And he was chewing on his bottom lip, which never failed to make Haruki's heart skip a beat. It didn't help that he was now technically allowed to kiss those lips whenever he wanted, in fact it made it even harder to not do it all the damn time. But Haruki resisted again, he did have some self-control after all. You'd have to develope some, if you had a huge crush on someone for years.

Haruki forced his eyes back to his suitcase and the issue at hand. He absent-mindedly scratched at his left upper arm, while trying to remember where he had put the dang charging cable. That was what you got, when you repacked your suitcase three times.

He re-checked every compartment but came up empty, only to almost facepalm himself as he finally saw the damn cable lying on his nightstand like pure mockery and remembered that he had put it there when he had first opened his suitcase a few hours ago.

Haruki silently shook his head at himself, grabbed the charging cable and plugged it into the outlet and his laptop. He then took the shirt and sweatpants as well as some fresh underwear and socks to finally make his way to the bathroom.

With his tousled hair and bright green eyes Akihiko looked too tempting, though, for Haruki to just pass by. So he made a short stop by his bedside, leaned down for a short kiss with some loose strands of hair falling into his face, and said with a fond smile, "You look tired, I'll hurry."

He combed the fingers of his free hand through those short, platin-blond locks lovingly, satisfying his constant need to touch his boyfriend a little bit. Sometimes it was hard not being able to show any PDA, to always just appear as friends and band members. To be successful as a band you had to produce good songs and sell the idea that every member was single and avaible to the mostly female fans.

Haruki had always disliked that part of the music industry. He understood the business and entertainment side of it, but that did not make him like it at all. It used to be the same when he was still studying movies and media. Commercials and all those big blockbusters were just catering to the masses, it stifled the creative part of the job a lot since the money went to projects where more money could be produced.

But Haruki did not want to be ungrateful. He was happy where they were at right now. He was in a loving relationship with someone he never thought he'd had a chance with and their band was doing well enough. Haruki was determined to keep working hard for everyone's happiness.

Haruki's soft smile and sweet kiss brushed away some of Akihiho's fatigue. The gentle combing of slender fingers though his hair chased away the very last of his fatigue. Akihiko couldn't disguise the fondness in his eyes as he gazed up at Haruki. Even in the hotel room's dim lighting, Haruki looked almost etereal with his soft honey-coloured locks framing his face.

Doubt crept into his mind. Did someone as stunning and incredible as Haruki deserved someone like him? Was he good enough for Haruki? Despite how much he had hurt Haruki in the past, Haruki had easily forgiven and accepted him. Back when they first began dating and Given was just starting out as a band, he had promised to become someone good enough for Haruki. Had he managed to fulfil that promise?

Giving into impulse, Akihiko wrapped his arms around Haruki's waist, pulling him into his embrace. The curtains were drawn and there was only the two of them in the room. There was nothing to stop him from holding his beloved in him arms. Pressing Haruki's warmth against his own body, Akihiko inhaled deeply, letting the other's sweet scent soothe his nerves.

He knew that his actions may seem a little out of character. Usually, Haruki was the more affectionate one. On the other hand, Akihiko was never good at expressing or vocalising his emotions. Being in a band where he was subjected to the heavy scrutiny of the public had only made expressing his feelings for Haruki a greater challenge. He wished he had more chances to show Haruki just how much he meant to him.

Akihiko's eyes were the most beautiful shade of green that Haruki had ever seen. He'd had a couple of years to get used to them but to this day it was hard to not get lost in those eyes when they landed on him. Especially when they were filled with such warmth as they were right now.

Haruki was a bit surprised when Akihiko wrapped his strong arms around him and pulled him into a hug. He reflexively put one knee up on the edge of the bed so that he would not lose his balance and topple right over Akihiko. He immediately dropped the pile of clothes hanging over his arm, not caring how or where they landed, and returned the embrace as he put both his arms around Akihiko's shoulders.

Haruki could feel him snuggle up against his chest and he was instantly flooded with a feeling of warmth. He was such a lost cause, absolutely smitten with Akihiko and fully at his mercy. Haruki had tried to cut off his feelings for him once, more or less literally, when this love had become too painful. He had quickly learnt that it wasn't possible to get rid of his feelings for Akihiko. The more he tried to fall out of love with him, the harder he fell for him.

Even now, when Haruki thought he could not possibly love this man more than he already did, Akihiko just had to do something cute like this and Haruki's heart bled out a little more for him.

It wasn't exactly rare for Akihiko to show him affection but he usually did it in different ways than outright initiating a cuddle session.

Akihiko was objectively very masculine. He had a beautiful but manly face, clever, sharp eyes, a tall, toned body. He was elegant and dangerous like a tiger. But he could also be playful and cheeky yet docile like a house cat.

Haruki loved all those facets of him, but he treasured the moments when Akihiko allowed himself to be more open and vulnerable around him. Like right now.

Pressed against Akihiko, Haruki let one hand wander to the nape of his neck to gently massage the tension out of it. He let his other hand run soothing circles on Akihiko's back and could feel his muscles relaxing slowly. Haruki had not been aware that Akihiko was that tense. He usually seemed to be pretty relaxed, even in stressful situations. Haruki instantly felt a little guilty for not noticing it, he should pay more attention.

Haruki could stay like this forever, though his position was a tad bit uncomfortable and hard on his back for a prolonged time. With Akihiko in such a cuddly mood, he was thoroughly tempted to just push them into a lying position and snuggle up and kiss for the rest of the evening. But then Haruki definitely would not get his shower and then the next morning would be even more stressful than already scheduled.

So after a while, Haruki moved to slowly extricate himself from that strong, secure embrace. He still kept his hands losely on Akihiko's shoulders and even though he was the one to cut this short, pouted a little and didn't want to let go completely. He was such a sap and Akihiko just too damn irresistable.

"I really need that shower," he mumbled and dove in to steal another short kiss in apology.

Akihiko frowned as Haruki pulled away from his embrace. He maintained his grip around the other's waist, not wanting to let go.

He understood that Haruki was only trying to be responsible and get on with his nightly routine so that they could both turn in early and have a more relaxing morning. But Akihiko couldn't ignore his selfish desire for Haruki to remain in his arms. He relented only when Haruki gave him a sweet kiss on the lips, loosening his grip so that Haruki could get free.

Trying to remain stoic and conceal his sulkiness, he curled up on the bed. Picking up his mobile phone which had been carelessly tossed on the bed earlier, he turned his gaze back onto it despite still glancing at Haruki from the corner of his eyes. As he watched Haruki head to the bathroom for a shower, he wondered if Haruki would want to cuddle after they both had their showers.

Focusing back onto the screen in front of him, he checked his schedule for tomorrow. It seemed that they were both due for an interview on a talkshow tomorrow morning.

He sighed a little. He wasn't very fond of interviews and answering questions, especially questions about his privacy and personal life. He hated it the most when the interviewers asked about his love life and he couldn't even tell the truth about him and Haruki in order to keep up their elusive and desirable images.

As he continued to ponder over the impending interview the next day, he could feel sleepiness eat away at him. Having Haruki in his embrace for even that mere short moment had helped him to relax and now his eyelids were only growing heavier.

Slowly slipping out of Akihiko's loosening embrace, Haruki bent down to pick up his scattered clothes and made his way to the bathroom, leaving Akihiko behind on the bed. He had noticed his disappointed look but their tight schedule for the next day did not leave him with any choice.

Haruki put his clothes close to the towel rack, then quickly changed out of the ones he was currently wearing, stripping naked. He put his worn outfit in a neat pile next to his nightwear. Haruki pulled the hair tie out of his messy bun that had already fallen half apart and quickly combed through the long strands with his fingers to get the big knots out of them.

He had let his hair grow out again when he and Akihiko got together. It was almost back to the length it had been when he had Take-chan cut it for him.

The shower was pretty fancy but intuitive enough for Haruki to quickly figure out all the functions, it helped that all the buttons basically told him what they did and he was just looking for a nice, hot shower. Simple enough. Stepping under the warm stream of water, a satisfied sigh escaped Haruki's lips and he enjoyed the feeling for a few moments before helping himself to the provided bottles of shampoo, conditioner and body wash.

He started with a generous lathering of shampoo in his hair, then twisted the wet strands into a tight bun to stay up and soak in the shampoo a bit, while Haruki squirted some of the body wash into his hands to spread over his skin. He worked his way down his body in a practiced routine, even soaping up between his toes. He kept scrubbing a bit more and harder on his left upper arm to scratch a slightly annoying itch there. Maybe some mosquito bite or something, even though it was not the season for these little menaces yet.

Haruki stepped back into the stream to rinse off both shampoo and body wash, then used the especially nice smelling conditioner for his hair before washing that out as well. He tried not to linger for too long, just like he had promised Akihiko, but the shower was really enjoyable and relaxing, so Haruki wasn't as fast as he would have liked. He never understood how people could take 5-minute-showers. That sounded more like stress than anything else.

Turning off the shower, Haruki wrung out his hair and made a grab for the big towel to wrap around his shoulders before taking the small towel from the rack and wrapping it around his head turban style. He stepped out of the shower and dried off, once more scrubbing the fluffy fabric over his left arm and that persistent itch, turning his skin a bit red there.

Haruki slipped into his boxer briefs, sweatpants, and socks, before freeing his hair from its towel prison, using the fabric to rub over the strands and squeeze out the last bit of water before wiping the condensation off the steamed up mirror with the same towel. Combing and drying his hair took some more time. Haruki had to wipe the mirror one more time to properly see himself, when he started to brush his teeth.

He always brushed his teeth very thoroughly. This time he also simultaneously wiped away all the little puddles of water from his cleaning session, so that Akihiko wouldn't step into the room and immediately slip on some water.

Haruki noticed that his arm was still giving him trouble. Though the weird, itchy feeling had somehow transformed into a more tingling one now, just a bit more painful. Almost like being pricked with thousand tiny knives. Rather similar in a way to the pins and needles feeling when your limbs were falling asleep, but it was concentrated in just one area.

Haruki spat out the toothpaste, rinsed with mouthwash and cleaned up his toothbrush.

The slight pain was not that bad but distracting and worrying, since it wasn't anything that Haruki had experienced before. He knew how to handle a muscle spasm or the likes of that. Carefully, Haruki turned his shoulder and moved his arm in various directions. His movement at least wasn't limited in any way so it should not hinder him in playing his instrument. Thankfully.

Haruki massaged his upper arm, moving down to the elbow and back up to his shoulder to cover a larger area than was hurting. He made a grab for his shirt, he had let Akihiko wait long enough, but just as he was about to pull it on, Haruki noticed something weird on his reddened skin. There were tiny black dots appearing on his arm and as he stared at them, he could swear they were slowly, very slowly growing bigger and towards each other.

Haruki paled as he realized what was happening to him. Those tiny dots would indeed grow bigger and form lines and patterns that would be unique to him...and his soulmate. Haruki's soulmark was slowly appearing right now. It couldn't have chosen a worse time for that.

Haruki kept staring at his arm like he couldn't believe his own eyes. As a kid he had had such a romantic notion of the concept of a soulmark. He had annoyed his sister to death with all the beautiful tales of soulmates and their special bonds that were often connected to true love in those stories. Later, as a teenager, he understood that in reality not everyone married their soulmate, even though many still did and it was pretty common, but not a prerequisite. Some people never even found their soulmate or even received a soulmark in the first place.

It was a very complex science that was still not fully understood. Nobody could predict if or when the soulmark would appear. Some people were born with it, others would receive it on their deathbeds. The majority somehow formed their marks during their teens. When Haruki had entered his 20s unmarked, he was somehow sure that he would be one of those people who would not receive a soulmark and grew content with that thought, even though he would have liked to experience it.

Then he fell in love with Akihiko.

And he never much thought about it again, or rather, well, it was hard not to think about it when soulmates and soulmarks were everyday topics, but he did not worry about it anymore. His crush on Akihiko was enough to fill his dreams and fears.

Panic arose in Haruki and he quickly squashed it down. How would he take the news? Haruki could not tell him. Well, he could not NOT tell him either, but not right now. The soulmark hadn't even fully formed yet, it was just coming out and could take hours or days to finish. And they had so many other things to worry about and needed to concentrate on their interviews, guest appearances and little music gigs. Given's career and Akihiko were the only things that Haruki could focus on at the moment.

He did not have the time nor need for a soulmate right now.

At that thought a pang of sorrow ran through Haruki and he felt truly sorry for mentally rejecting his soulmate like that. He was sure they did not deserve this. Would they ever even meet? Should he actively look for his match? There were many professional agencies and online services for that kind of thing. To find and unite soulmates was another lucrative business, even if social media alone was helpful enough and for free.

Haruki shook his head. He finally pulled on his shirt. It was a regular T-shirt, so the sleeves, though short, were covering his upper arm roughly down to his elbow. It was good enough for now but when his soulmark was more pronounced, he needed to hide it more thoroughly. Haruki realized that he could not let anyone get a glimpse of it, especially not on TV. He would need to re-check the chosen outfits they would be given for their appearances. He did not think there was anything sleeveless planned for him, Akihiko had better arms for those fashions, but showbiz liked the see-through fabric and a lot of holes in those clothes in extreme cases.

If he thought about it, the T-shirt wasn't even gonna cut it for tonight either. Since he would be sleeping in it, there was a chance of riding up the fabric with his movement during sleep. There was a non-zero chance for Akihiko to catch sight of his soulmark or what was formed of it so far.

Haruki felt a big fat rock settle in his stomach. This was going to be a much more stressful time than he had anticipated. He did not want to lie to Akihiko, he was outright bad at lying to him since Akihiko immediately noticed if something was wrong. Maybe it would work if he did not view it as a straight lie. He was just being careful before he could find the right time to tell Akihiko in private. Now that was another can of worms he wasn't ready to open yet.

Every nerve and cell inside his body told Haruki that this was such a bad idea and a real mess he had gotten himself into. But just the thought of telling Akihiki right now froze his heart with fear. Fear of how he would react, how it would impact their relationship and their upcoming performances. He could possibly ruin it all. For everyone in Given.

Haruki took some deep breaths. He was starting to overthink things and was very close to panicking. Time to commit. First things first, he had to find something with which to cover up his soulmark. There was some special concealer to cover up tattoos and marks but he had no way to get his hands on that right now and he would not let the people in make-up know about his predicament.

Then he could only fall back on bandages and medical tape. Haruki hoped that this fancy hotel had a first-aid kit in this bathroom somewhere. He nervously checked the cabinet and let out a stuttering laugh at his luck of immediately finding it. His hands trembled as he opened the little box and took out a bandage. It was a bit awkward with one hand but Haruki managed to bandage up his left upper arm and cover up what he figured would be the maximum width of his soulmark, judging from that prickly feeling and the tiny dots already spread across his skin.

Haruki pulled down the short sleeve so that nothing looked out of the ordinary and put the first-aid kit back where he had found it. He collected himself, took his worn clothes and exited the bathroom.

On the bed Akihiko had fallen asleep with his smartphone lying right by his face. He looked peaceful and Haruki really did not want to wake him up for his allotted bathroom time. He snuck over to his suitcase to pack away his worn clothes. For a moment he was briefly considering just letting Akihiko sleep and setting their alarm a little earlier to make up for it in the morning, but it felt more like an act of cowardice instead of consideration.

So Haruki walked over to Akihiko, took his phone to put it on his nightstand, and carefully sat down at the edge of the bed. He looked at his sleeping partner. Unaware of his inner turbolences.

Unmarked.

That much he knew. It was fitting for them both, to not bear any soulmarks. But now Haruki was falling out of that pattern.

Maybe Akihiko would receive his soulmark in the future too. Just the thought of Akihiko with his soulmate made Haruki feel dreadful. Even if Akihiko and his soulmate would not enter a romantic relationship, he would still feel a little jealous. Because Haruki was really trying hard to make this relationship work as well as it could and he knew that Akihiko was doing all he could to be his best for him, too. Would it not be really unfair for someone to just enter your partner's life and wear the perfect bond just by birth and sheer luck?

Part of him wished that Akihiko would remain unmarked forever and another part of Haruki was screaming "hypocrite!" at him. Oh that was such a horrible thought, Haruki was shocked by himself.

If anything, after everything he had been through, Akihiko deserved to have someone special like that in his life. As much as he tried to be the one to give him unconditional love and support, maybe it just couldn't compare to a soulbond. What did Haruki know? He could only think of all those testimonials of soulmates he had read in his life, all those people who looked so happy, who couldn't put that happiness in words and just said that you had to experience it yourself.

But Haruki loved Akihiko, this dork sleeping right in front of him, chewing adorably in his sleep. It might not be perfect, they might sometimes hurt each other unwillingly and they might go through hard times together but Haruki wouldn't want anything 'better' than this.

Haruki blinked as much as he needed to to keep his stinging eyes from forming tears, before he calmed down enough to reach out and caress Akihiko's cheek tenderly.

"Hey, it took a little longer, the bath is free now," he said in a low voice but loud enough to rouse Akihiko from his slumber.

"I'm sorry," and he almost choked on the 'sorry', "I'm sorry to wake you. Do you still want to go or do you want to keep sleeping?"

Haruki's soft voice drifted to him amidst hazy, fragmented dreams. Akihiko forced his eyes open, blinking blearily up at Haruki.

The refreshing scent of Haruki's soap wafted to him and he inhaled deeply. Haruki's hair looked even softer than usual after being freshly washed and Akihiko could not resist running his fingers through it. He had always been very fond of Haruki's long hair.

The urge to tug Haruki into bed beside him and cuddle him to sleep was overwhelming. Clearing his dry throat, Akihiko forced himself into an upright position, fingers gripping onto the bed for balance.

Mind still clouded with sleep, it took Akihiko a while to realise that the other had asked him a question. No matter how much Akihiko would love to go straight back to sleep, he was well aware that it was a smarter choice to shower now and have more time in the morning. He started to open his mouth to tell Haruki that he would take a shower now but stopped short.

Something was clearly off with Haruki. Akihiko studied the other closely, a heavy feeling forming in his chest. Haruki's eyes had a slight glossy sheen to them, wavering between looking at him and looking away from him.

Something must have happened to upset the other. Akihiko lightly brushed his thumb across Haruki's jaw, his other hand reaching for Haruki's. He interlaced their fingers and looked into Haruki's eyes.

Even though he had no idea what caused Haruki to react in this manner, Akihiko desperately wanted to ease the other's misery. He simply couldn't bear to see Haruki hurting.

"Is something wrong? Did something bad happen?" Akihiko's words held an edge of panic.

Even half-asleep, Akihiko's warm fingers found their way into Haruki's hair. He almost smiled how Akihiko was drawn to it like a moth to light, but the corners of Haruki's lips stayed pulled downwards as he realized that this might be a very cliché but also quite fitting image for them. The beautiful moth yearning for the light just to end up burning.

Haruki was still fighting with the realization that he was receiving his soulmark right now and all its implications along with it. Ripping Akihiko from his well-deserved sleep, the mark was crawling on his skin that very same moment. He could feel it forming the pattern it would settle in. It was a weird feeling, a little painful but bearable. Haruki thought this could be similar to how he imagined getting ink etched into your skin must feel like. Only that, with a soulmark, you could not choose the image and it would bind you to another person intimately and irrevocably.

As soon as Akihiko had been pulled from oblivion and come back to the land of the waking, his sharp, green eyes landed on Haruki and apparently saw right through him, asking if anything bad had happened, his voice apprehensive and still a bit raspy from sleep.

Haruki could hardly stand his gaze and kept glancing away. He finally let his eyes settle on their joined hands, watching how their fingers entwined. Even though he had just had a hot shower, Haruki's fingers were cold and he was glad that the shaking had stopped by now.

Akihiko had always been a very tactile person, never afraid to touch when he felt like it, comfortable to communicate with physical contact. When his love was still a strong, one-sided crush, those casual touches had almost felt cruel to Haruki and he had sometimes flinched away from them on impulse when they were especially tender and intimate.

Haruki did not want to pull away, even if Akihiko's gentle touches and worried tone twinged his heart in a way reminiscent of those old times.

But Haruki had made a decision in that bathroom, a quick one, but he had to commit to it now. No matter how he played this out in his head, Haruki knew that he would end up hurting Akihiko. It was just a question of timing.

Was this the gist of their relationship? Would they always end up hurting each other no matter how much they tried not to? The least he could do was to bear his guilt of hiding something important from his boyfriend, so that he would not make him worry about Haruki on top of everything else.

Haruki pulled himself together once more and forced a smile on his lips. Shaking his head, he finally replied, "No, nothing bad happened."

Well, technically that was true. Objectively the forming of a soulmark was seen as a good thing, great even. An event to celebrate. Haruki cringed inwardly.

He kept his eyes trained on their hands, squeezing Akihiko's fingers lightly in what he hoped would come across as a reassuring way.

Knowing that he wouldn't get away with just deflecting the question, Haruki tried to feed some little truths into his reply.

"I'm just...I don't know," he shrugged, "overthinking things, I guess, and I am a little scared of the next few days."

Ah, the art of telling the truth to hide a lie. Haruki felt horribly deceitful.

Akihiko watched as Haruki forced a smile to reassure him. It did nothing to relieve the heavy feeling in Akihiko's chest. As Haruki squeezed his fingers lightly, a similar sensation echoed within him.

Listening attentively to Haruki's concerns, he nodded his head in acknowledgement. He could relate to how Haruki probably felt.

Even though it had been a while since Given had been pushed into the spotlight, Akihiko had never felt truly at ease with the fame he had attained.

It felt fleeting and he was always in fear that a small mistake would end his career. Everyone had put in so much effort in order to make Given the successful band it was today.

Akihiko refused to disappoint his band members by letting everything go to waste.

Haruki had always been a very responsible person, shouldering a heavier burden than he could carry. If Akihiko was feeling stressed, he could imagine that Haruki was feeling the stress so much more. Akihiko wanted to share Haruki's burden and lessen his load.

Gently pulling Haruki to sit on the bed beside him, Akihiko decided that a shower and more time in the morning could not be more important than making sure Haruki was well and truly alright.

"You don't have to carry all this weight on your shoulders," he told the other softly, prodding at Haruki's shoulder playfully.

"You can share any concern or worry you have with me. So talk to me, Haruki. Don't try to do everything by yourself."

Communication. Haruki had always preached that communication was key, in music as well as in any other form of interaction. He'd rather eat his own words right now, even though his stance on the topic hadn't changed. He just absolutely couldn't open up at this moment.

And Akihiko was really tempting, so much that Haruki, for a split second, felt that he could just blurt it out and be done with it. But that playful poke at his shoulder had been a bit too close to his soulmark for comfort, the reminder like a curse, snatching away his voice.

So, instead, his throat closed up and he swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the big lump in it.

"It's fine, I can handle being a bit stressed and tired. But thank you. You are already helping me a lot."

Haruki stayed close by Akihiko's side, leaning against him a little, not letting go of his hand, even though this was contra-productive for his goal to get Akihiko into the shower and away from any concern for him.

His long blond strands kept falling into his face, a bit too silky and fluffy for Haruki's taste after the conditioner and hair-dryer treatment.

"I forgot my hair tie in the bathroom. I think it's still lying on the edge of the sink," he stated matter-of-factly, fighting another loose strand back behind his ear.

As Haruki leaned against him, Akihiko couldn't help wishing there was more he could do to help the other feel better. Whenever he felt down, Haruki would always find little ways to cheer him up and make him feel alright again. Now that the roles had been reversed, Akihiko felt stumped. What could he do for Haruki?

Quietly getting up from the bed, Akihiko gently pulled away from Haruki. "I'll be right back," he promised. Heading into the bathroom, he grabbed Haruki's hair tie and hair brush. Quickly returning back to the bed, he sat behind Haruki, shifting the other so that Haruki had his back facing him. He ran the brush through Haruki's hair in slow gentle strokes, repeating the motions until he was satisfied that he had thoroughly brushed Haruki's hair.

Gathering all of Haruki's fluffy hair, he started to braid it. Earlier while at the airport waiting for their transport, Akihiko had taken the time to check out some of the hairstyling videos that Haruki used to be a model for. He had watched those videos repeatedly until he had committed the braiding steps to his memory.

Akihiko knew that Haruki loved having his hair styled by him and wanted to be able to style his hair in various ways befitting Haruki's beauty. Fingers deftly pulling and crossing sections of hair, Akihiko continued to work at Haruki's hair. Finally done pulling Haruki's hair into a fishtail braid, he secured the braid with the hair tie.

Satisfied with his first attempt at fishtail braiding, Akihiko wrapped his arms around Haruki from behind. Cheek resting on Haruki's shoulder, he whispered softly in the other's ear, "Everything will be okay. No matter what, I'll always be by your side." With that said, Akihiko turned Haruki around to face him, pressing a light kiss onto the other's forehead.

Haruki let Akihiko slip away to quickly disappear into the bathroom. He knew that Akihiko would not be able to withstand the subtle invitation to tame his hair. It was an underhanded method to end their conversation from before, but when he returned five seconds later with the hair tie and brush in hands, Haruki felt a genuine smile pull at the corner of his lips.

Haruki closed his eyes when Akihiko settled behind him back on the bed and began brushing his hair. His shoulders sacked as he started to relax under the calming, repetitive motion. It got even more comfortable when warm fingers replaced the brush and combed through those golden strands, separating them from another and weaving them into an elaborate pattern.

Haruki noticed by the way Akihiko's fingers graced his scalp that he wasn't doing any of the usual, simple braids. Someone must have secretly practiced a new variety. It warmed Haruki's heart and he kept still while enjoying the whole procedure, calming his panicked fear down to a nagging worry.

Even though he had his back turned to Akihiko, Haruki could imagine the concentrated look on his face. It was cute how much effort he always put into doing his hair, even if it was just to get it tied back for a night's sleep.

Once Akihiko was done, Haruki leaned into the loving embrace and drank in the words of support, putting his hands on Akihiko's over his stomach. When he was turned around, twisting the sheets under him, Haruki finally felt like he could look into those green eyes again without crumbling under his guilt.

He chuckled lightly, when Akihiko's lips graced his forehead with a sweet and innocent kiss, impressed with how easily he had saved Haruki from the depth of despair once again.

Once he started overthinking things, Haruki tended to lean towards the dramatic. There was a time when he thought he had nothing important to contribute to Given. But whenever Haruki was threatening to fall apart, Akihiko was there to keep him together. Even if he was part of the reason for Haruki's despair in the first place, one way or another.

He was glad that Akihiko was in a cuddly mood this evening. Haruki did not want to come across as clingy, but their physical contact helped strengthen his confidence and drove away some of the dark clouds in his head.

Haruki set his hands on Akihiko's chest, smoothing over the fabric of his shirt, stretched over those firm pectorals. Haruki liked his muscles, not only because they were pretty hot but also because they were the solid proof of Akihiko's stoic determination and dedication to a task. Feeling the firmness of that flesh under his fingers grounded Haruki for some reason.

He still wasn't comfortable with keeping this secret, even if for a limited amount of time only, but for now that all-consuming fear had simmered down to mere dread. He wasn't looking forward to talking about his soulmark but he was now more certain that they could at least discuss the issue in a mature way and then work through everything else together. Hopefully.

Haruki lifted his gaze to those green eyes again and didn't look away this time.

"I love you," he whispered against Akihiko's lips, then put a small peck on them.

"I love you so much," he repeated again, since he felt unable to put all his emotions into those three short words but needed to express as much.

He reclaimed Akihiko's lips, hands wandering up to frame his face as Haruki deepened the kiss to a more passionate one. He wanted to be close to Akihiko, melt into him, give himself over to him.

Desire pooled in his stomach and dripped lower but before things could become too heated, Haruki broke it off and took a deep breath. He blinked at Akihiko, not as innocently as he would have liked to, since he was the instigator after all. Haruki's cheeks were a nice peach pink and he was biting his lower lip in amusement.

That had been quite a mood-swing. Haruki was this close to needing another shower, a very cold one this time.

Desire washed over Akihiko as Haruki deepen their kiss instead of pulling away. Akihiko drowned in the familiar sweet taste of Haruki. He would never ever get enough of this taste. Akihiko's hands wandered to Haruki's back, pulling the other closer, wanting more.

All too soon, Haruki pulled away, the flush in his cheeks and the playful shyness in his expression enticing Akihiko to pull him back into another passionate kiss. Akihiko resisted, knowing how little self-control he had. If they didn't stop now, he wasn't sure he could stop himself later. Besides, they didn't have enough time to do much and he would rather have time to slowly ravish the other.

Instead, he teasingly brushed his thumb across Haruki's lower lip. "I think someone needs another shower. We could save water and shower together." Akihiko's tone was playful, expression smug.

It was as if Akihiko had read his mind but then in his cockiness twisted his thoughts into an even naughtier offer. Haruki chuckled. Akihiko was always so honest and straightforward. He wasn't ashamed of coming on strongly with audacious remarks. It was part of his charm.

But no matter how alluring that confidence and invitation were, Haruki had to decline.

"Mhmm," he hummed teasingly in mock-thoughtfulness. It wasn't easy to withstand those green eyes filled with want and such open adoration. Even a couple years into their relationship, Haruki's heart was still starting to beat in a frenzy, whenever Akihiko looked at him like that. It sent a shiver down his spine.

With Akihiko's history and how hard Haruki had fallen for the former bad-boy, one would think that they'd tumble into bed at every opportunity, but they had started their relationship very slowly and carefully for various reasons.

Of course they began to make use of such opportunities at some point but between finishing college, working, Akihiko's violin concerts and Given's band practice, performances and debut preparations, those moments hadn't been all that aplenty.

And time had gone by so dizzingly fast, Haruki felt like he hadn't been able to digest it all yet. Much less after their debut. No wonder things were a little overwhelming at times.

"As enticing as that offer is, and so very environment friendly," Haruki remarked with mirth in his voice, "I am sure you will be much faster without me."

"And," he added quickly, "I can't ruin my hair."

That was one of the reasons he could not share a shower with him, the other being that Haruki could not risk stripping in front of Akihiko and exposing his bandaged arm and what had been hidden underneath.

That reminder quickly killed off whatever had remained of Haruki's libido for the moment.

With a weak push, Haruki nudged Akihiko to the edge of the bed and towards the bathroom.

"Don't make too much of a mess."

He had meant it as an innocent statement, warning not to leave the bathroom completely flooded, but as soon as those words had left his lips, Haruki noted the double entendre. He turned around and flopped face first into Akihiko's pillow, groaning at his unintentional lewdness.

Akihiko knew the exact moment when Haruki began to fret in his mind again. Haruki's eyes dulled and his posture stiffened. Clearly Akihiko wasn't doing a good job of cheering up Haruki. The playful and teasing banter as well as the soothing touches did not manage to ease Haruki's stress for long.

Akihiko allowed Haruki to shove him in the direction of the bathroom, deeply absorbed in his own thoughts on how to make Haruki feel better.

"Don't make too much of a mess."

Looking up at those words, Akihiko started to protest. As he watched in amusement at Haruki trying to hide his face in Akihiko's pillow, the unintentional meaning behind Haruki's words hit Akihiko.

He couldn't stop himself from laughing out loud at Haruki's expanse.

"I'll try not to make a mess. And I'll even try to be quiet," Akihiko teased.

He patted Haruki on the head before crossing the room to his suitcase. Digging out fresh clothes, a towel and his basic shower necessities, he headed to the bathroom.

Before stepping into the bathroom, Akihiko chanced a glance at Haruki. Haruki was just so adorable. A fond smile found its way onto Akihiko's lips as he went into the bathroom.

Of course Akihiko would not let Haruki live down that slip of the tongue. Haruki would have gladly thrown the pillow at Akihiko for the additional cheeky tease, had he not still buried his face in it, pouting at his misfortune.

Haruki turned his face a bit to peek at Akihiko when he felt a warm hand pat his head gently. He watched him rummage in his suitcase, picking out what he needed, before finally disappearing into the bathroom.

For a short moment, Haruki snuggled back into Akihiko's pillow. It did still smell more like whatever detergent the hotel used for washing their sheets than anything else but there was a faint trace from when Akihiko had lain there minutes ago.

The emotional turmoil had left Haruki more tired than before but instead of falling asleep right there and then, he forced himself to stand up, fluff up Akihiko's pillow and leave his boyfriend's side of the bed in a better condition than he had entered it.

Haruki could hear the shower running. He let his fingers wander over the woven pattern of his hair at the back of his head and smiled to himself. He lowered his arm to scratch at the fabric over his forming soulmark. The pinprick sensation was still a bit bothersome but Haruki figured he would be able to find some sleep nonetheless with how tired he was feeling, mentally as well as physically.

Haruki walked over to the laptop on the small table, shut it down but left it connected to the charging cable. He picked up his smartphone and slipped under the cover on his side of the double bed, setting his alarm and putting the phone on the nightstand.

Haruki made himself more comfortable on the soft mattress. He always had a little trouble adjusting to a bed that wasn't his. Keeping his gaze on the nighstand, Haruki fought his urge to just grab his phone and look up anything he could find on the topic of soulmates, but ultimately managed to refrain from doing that.

He turned around, facing Akihiko's empty bedside and turning his back to his own nightstand. Haruki kept listening to the faint sound of the shower lulling him into sleep, the blanket pulled up to his chin, his eyes on Akihiko's pillow before they soon started drooping until they stayed closed.

It was still relatively early in the evening and Haruki had not planned to go to bed right away after his shower. But then he also hadn't planned the whole soulmark fiasco.

Now sweet oblivion was taking hold of him as slumber pulled Haruki into its deep embrace.

Stepping into the bathroom, Akihiko placed his belongings on the bathroom counter, next to the sink. Removing his clothes, he turned on the water for a quick shower. Letting the water run over his head and flow down his body, Akihiko enjoyed the cool and refreshing sensation that the water brought about.

Here in the bathroom and under the shower, Akihiko felt a surreal illusion of peace.

There were no fans that he had to maintain an image for and no management to control his every movement. His worries seemed to not exist in this very space. Still, Akihiko knew that he could only afford a brief moment in this solace. Soaping up, scrubbing diligently and rinsing off, he concluded his shower in ten minutes. Drying off with the towel and putting on comfortable clothes, he headed back into the hotel bedroom.

Glancing towards Haruki, he noticed the other already fast asleep. Casually dumping his dirty laundry in a corner and making a mental note to pick them up tomorrow morning, he climbed into bed beside Haruki.

Taking care not to jolt or wake the other up, he slid under the covers. Turning to observe Haruki's peaceful sleeping face, Akihiko let his earlier fatigue wash over him once again. Reaching towards the light switches on the wall next to the bed, he turned off the lights.

In the darkness, he shifted himself closer to Haruki and gently placed an arm over his waist. Mere seconds after letting his eyelids fall shut, Akihiko soon fell deeply asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates depend on the speed of writing as well as the length of scene being played  
> We'll try to cut the action into presentable chapters for you to hopefully enjoy


	2. Chapter 2

Despite a good night's sleep, Haruki felt like he had just closed his eyes five minutes ago when the alarm went off the next morning. He blindly reached for the buzzing and ringing phone on his nighstand and, after a bit of fumbling for it, managed to shut off the offending sound with a practiced tap of his fingers on the screen.

Akihiko seemed to have wrapped himself around Haruki like a kraken during the night, the horrific cuddle monster of deep sleep that he often turned into. It was impossible to extricate himself from Akihiko without waking him, but then the alarm should have done the most of it already and they did both need to get up anyways.

Haruki blinked his eyes open and shuffled into a more upright position, patting the arm that was still clinging to his middle before lifting it and crawling out of the embrace and whatever knot their legs were entangled in to move to the edge of the bed.

Haruki had to get up as soon as he had killed the alarm. If he would linger in bed, the risk that he'd fall asleep again was too high. So he had learnt to force himself to get up immediately.

Still sleepy, Haruki scratched his belly and reached for the lamp to switch on the light, then stood up to pull back the curtains and open the windows for some fresh air. It was still dark outside at this ungodly hour but the horizon already held a brighter shade of blue, announcing the morning sun's arrival soon.

The cold morning air rushing in brought goosebumps over Haruki's exposed skin and he shivered slightly, rubbing his hands up his arms. When his fingers bumped against the bandage, his stomach lurched as he instantly remembered the last evening's surprise.

The bliss of sleep had made him forget all about the soulmark for a while but now everything came rushing back to him. Well, he was definitely fully awake now.

Haruki reflexively pulled down the short sleeve of his shirt when he heard the rustling of sheets behind him and turned around to greet Akihiko.

"G'morning. Rise and shine, handsome! Time to get ready for the big day."

The loud and shrill noise of the alarm jolted Akihiko from his rest. Disorientated, irritated but not entirely willing to wake up, he ignored the sound and attempted to go back to sleep. At the back of his mind, he was aware that he needed to get up, get ready and attend to his responsibilities. But exhaustion guided him straight back into the tantalising and open arms of sleep.

Somewhat half-asleep, Akihiko was distinctively aware of the warmth beside him pulling away. Now that his source of warmth has been removed, Akihiko started to stir from his sleep. His throat felt dry and his body felt numb. A small itch on the back of his left shoulder urged him to scratch mindlessly at it. He could hear Haruki's cheery voice greeting him a good morning but was still too sleepy to respond.

Eyes still glued shut, he searched for a source of warmth. Squirming his body and groping blindly at the sheets, he reached for Haruki. Fingers closing around Haruki's shirt, he wrapped his arms around the other's waist again. He buried his face in the softness of the cotton fabric, enjoying the warmth emitting from Haruki. The soothing sensations lulled Akihiko back to sleep.

Akihiko didn't even look half-awake yet, eyes still closed, his short hair a mess and his body unwilling to leave the warmth of the bed. Since Haruki did not get a reply from him, he sat back down on the mattress, leaning over to have another try at waking up the sleepy-head.

Before he could say anything, Haruki suddenly found himself pulled back into Akihiko's embrace. It was really damn adorable how he snuggled close to him, clutching at his shirt. Haruki was almost glad that Akihiko was still so out of it, 'cause that way he did not have to worry too much about him noticing the bandage peeking out from under the twisted fabric.

Haruki stared at the ceiling silently sending a prayer up to and beyond it to give him the needed strength and patience to pull through this. How did he deserve this cruelty?

Haruki would love nothing more than to let Akihiko sleep and keep cuddling with him, maybe getting some more rest himself. But he knew that soon their manager would knock on their door to call them for breakfast. Their whole day was scheduled for them and there was not a lot of flexibility to their timetable.

Haruki briefly wondered if Mafuyu and Ritsuka were going through the same troubles in their room. They would only get to see the younger members for a quick breakfast before going to separate interviews. Then they'd switch and meet up later again to perform a new track for a show recording.

Haruki still felt weird holding an interview with only half the band present but apparently it was not uncommon to split an interview into more parts and only have a couple of band members on air at a time. Well at least the two sister programs they were guesting on today seemed to like that method. Haruki hoped they had different questions for them since it was a bit difficult to find new ways to rephrase the same answer to the same question over and over again in order not to sound too repetitive.

Collecting all his willpower, Haruki once more entangled himself from Akihiko, which felt somewhat more difficult than the first time. He decided to quickly get dressed and ready before trying to wake Akihiko once more, if he wouldn't get up on his own by then.

Haruki was pulling clothes out of his suitcase again, definitely going with a long sleeve shirt this time, and disappeared into the bathroom.

For a moment Haruki considered checking the status of his soulmark now, but the bandage was still wound tightly around his arm and he was also a bit scared to learn what it looked like now. Chickening out with a healthy dose of denial, Haruki just got dressed for the day and went through his usual morning routine without touching the bandage on his arm.

The braid Akihiko had put his hair into last evening had also held up pretty well with only a few strands broken loose, but he still had to destroy the handiwork to brush his hair and put it into a quick updo. The stylists would do their thing later.

Ready for the day and to check on Akihiko, he left the bathroom, his worn clothes hanging over his arm to be replaced in his suitcase.

Having his source of warmth taken away from him a second time left Akihiko disgruntled. As Haruki moved away from the bed to get ready for the day, Akihiko curled up into the bedsheets and blankets, seeking warmth to get back to his slumber. Still, the sheets could never provide as much warmth as another human body and Akihiko found himself being reluctantly awoken by the chilly air in the room.

Not entirely awake, Akihiko continued to lie in bed, mind drifting off towards the day's schedule as he listened to Haruki moving around the room before stepping into the bathroom.

Sitting up slightly, he rubbed at his eyes and ran his hands through his messy hair. He vaguely wondered how much time he had left to get ready.

Getting up from the bed, he stretched and went to the curtains drawn over the windows. Pulling it back halfway, he allowed the warm penetrating sunrays to enter the room, illuminating it in a rosy golden hue.

A slight prickling pain at the back of his shoulder irritated him but Akihiko dismissed it, attributing it to not having gotten sufficient sleep. Slipping a hand under his shirt, he rubbed at his left shoulder, trying to ease the prickling sensation.

Crossing the room, he headed towards the hotel refrigerator next to the television.

Last night, he remembered seeing their manager handing Haruki a bag of beverages for them.

Spotting the familiar white plastic bag inside the fridge, he rummaged through it and pulled out two bottles of green tea. He set both bottles on the table before heading towards his luggage to pick out some clothes. As he was pulling out a pair of jeans from his luggage, he heard the sound of the bathroom door opening.

Haruki squinted at the sunrays that were already filtering in through the windows. In the time he took getting ready the sun had crept up the sky a bit to call in the new day and illuminate their room.

He noticed that Akihiko had managed to drag himself out of bed on his own and tousled his hair as he walked past him to his own suitcase. Since Akihiko was crouched down in front if his luggage, it was easy to quickly ruffle those short platin blond strands.

"Good morning," Haruki repeated, since he wasn't sure Akihiko had been awake enough to register the first time he had greeted him that morning, and stored away the clothes he had changed out of.

Grabbing his phone, Haruki sat down at the small table to check their social media accounts and maybe make a quick post about their TV appearance again. He noticed the bottles of green tea placed on the table and reached for the one closest to him, since both seemed to be unopened still.

Idling while waiting for Akihiko to get ready, Haruki startled when there came a loud knock on their door and their manager's voice filtering through it, announcing that they please come down for breakfast in the next 20 minutes. He quickly called back that they would be there no later in acknowledgement of the message.

Akihiko had probably heard the exchange, but just in case he hadn't, Haruki knocked on the bathroom door to relay what their manager had just said.

Haruki's stomach was slowly making itself known as well and he was looking forward to getting some food in there.

"Good morning," Akihiko returned the greeting, his voice still raspy from having just woken up not that long ago. Picking up his clothes, he headed to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Once in the bathroom, Akihiko set about washing up and brushing his teeth. The feel of cold water against his face left him feeling refreshed. As he dried his face on a towel, the odd sensation on his left shoulder returned.

He was in the middle of pulling off his shirt to examine his shoulder when Haruki knocked on the door to relay their manager's message. A sense of urgency settled in Akihiko and he hastened to get dressed, the pain in his shoulder forgotten.

Exiting the bathroom once he was done getting ready, he tossed his dirty laundry in the corner. The sight of his dirty laundry from the morning and the day before accumulating to form a pile made him wince a little. Well, he could just get to them later.

After gulping down the bottle of green tea that he had set aside earlier, he headed towards Haruki to let him know that he was ready to leave for breakfast.

Once he was in front of Haruki, Akihiko couldn't resist giving his lips a soft peck. They would be in the eyes of the public once they step out from the hotel room and the two of them would have to be careful to not reveal their relationship. With their every action under scrutiny, they couldn't risk any chance of having their relationship exposed which would likely lead to their band falling from favour.

Moments like this reminded Akihiko that sometimes he wished that Given wasn't that popular so he could act as he pleased.

Satisfied to steal a kiss from Haruki, Akihiko pulled away to grab his phone and other belongings before going towards the hotel room door.

"If you want more, you'll have to wait until tonight," Akihiko teased, trying to ease the mood and distract himself from the stress of having to go back out into public. Still, he had a job to do and despite the churning feeling in his stomach, he opened the door and stepped out of the hotel room.

Motivated by Akihiko's stolen kiss and the waiting breakfast downstairs, Haruki followed him out of their room. In the dining hall the buffet was already waiting with a couple of other early morning hotel guests picking their choices from the selection.

Mafuyu and Ritsuka were sat at a table stuffing themselves and Haruki was quick to grab a plate for himself. He forwent the fried foods and chose to go with a more traditional breakfast of rice and miso soup, some side dishes and a bit of salad. Of course the cup of coffee was a must to fully wake him up for the day, even if the brew wasn't that delicious here.

Time flew by fast, they ate, talked a bit with the younger members, got prepped by their manager one last time, who showed up and joined them after a bit, and then it was time to get ready and into the cars in the parkway.

They arrived at the same building in two separate cars, Haruki and Akihiko with their driver and the assistant manager in one car, their manager and the younger members in the other one. They were quickly lead to the reception, announcing their arrival for their appointment. Two ladies joined the group and Given followed them to the elevators.

At the tenth floor the band members were lead to the make-up room, where they got powdered up and changed into their first outfit. It wasn't anything fancy, they were just going to sit there and talk, so it was mostly just normal, comfortable clothing but there seemed to be some colour coordination going on so that they would not clash with the set and the host or whatever. Haruki really wasn't so sure what they were focusing on but he trusted that the stylists knew how to do their job.

He also did not have too much time to worry about his soulmark. He was still wearing the bandage tied snugly around it and they had small changing rooms to get undressed and re-dressed in.

All styled and ready, Mafuyu and Ritsuka were then ushered to studio 5 by one of the ladies, the other lead Haruki and Akihiko to studio 8, where they were told to wait on standby for a few minutes.

Haruki, despite being a bit nervous, stood calmy beside Akihiko backstage. He watched the people around them do their work. Luckily, he wasn't afraid of public speaking (there wasn't even an audience in the studio) and thanks to his college degree he also had quite some knowledge and experience with all this media magic and behind the scenes work. Well, he had even considered becoming a camera man for a short time before choosing to pursue music more seriously with Given.

The reason why he was a bit nervous was that this would be their first live tv appearance. No rehearsals, nothing. Spontaneity and authenticity was what the producers wanted apparently.

Haruki shifted from one foot to the other, glancing at Akihiko and then the production assistant, who was standing with them, waiting to give them the signal to get on set once the commercial break would start.

There were small monitors where they could see what the cameras were picking up. The host was talking about some new gossip or something, tabloid stories the morning audience in front of the TV would be eating up with their breakfast.

Too bad that they had to stay quiet in order not to disturb the broadcast, Haruki was really brimming with excited energy and would have loved to talk Akihiko through all the technology surrounding them. Curiosity taking hold of him, Haruki leaned a bit into Akihiko's personal space, unconsciously grabbing the sleeve of his shirt for stability, to sneak a peek at a cart with a bunch of props set aside.

The next couple of hours went by in a blur. Akihiko barely knew what he was doing, letting himself be rushed along by the manager.

After hastily stuffing down a little of everything served at the breakfast buffet, he was hurried to their waiting vehicle. The drive was mostly silent as everyone savoured the small peaceful moment before they would step into the busy and bustling interview studio.

About another hour later, Akihiko found himself wearing a new stylish outfit, having his makeup done by one of the stylists. As the stylist moved on to style his hair with some hair gel, Akihiko took the opportunity to glance over at Haruki, subtly checking him out. The other's outfit and subtle makeup highlighted his natural beauty, making him a lovely treat for the eyes. Soon, all the preparations were completed.

Akihiko followed Haruki to the studio's backstage. He listened and watched the broadcast with disinterest. Akihiko had never been much of a fan of television programmes. He would rather spend the day listening to music or practising a new piece of music on his violin or drums. Losing interest in the broadcast quickly, Akihiko turned his attention to the stage crew as they hastened about the backstage, busily attending to their work.

The feel of Haruki's hand on his shirt sleeve made Akihiko turn to look at the other. He could see the excitement and slight awe in Haruki's eyes. Akihiko smiled, subtly moving a little closer to Haruki. He knew all about Haruki's fascination with all the ongoing actions backstage and couldn't help finding that endearing.

He wondered if Haruki felt nervous about the interview or if his excitement had overridden his nervousness.

The small itch on Akihiko's back had returned. Akihiko tried his best to ignore it, gaze focusing back on the broadcast. The broadcast ended and the host started introducing Given.

"And now, for the segment that I'm sure our younger viewers cannot wait for! A band that rose to popularity almost instaneously after their hot debut! With four talented and absolutely dashing members, Given is a band that absolutely makes you want to give your hearts to them!"

When Akihiko moved subtly closer, Haruki noticed that he was latching onto him like a monkey and loosened up his grip a bit. He didn't want to crinkle up the fabric of that borrowed shirt, but he liked being this close to Akihiko and so he kept looking around in that corner a little longer than necessary, not moving his hand, basking in the comforting presence of his boyfriend at his side.

Soon the PA gave them the signal to get ready. The commercial block was running through and the host was getting ready for her introduction. Haruki felt his heartbeat pick up a bit. He tried to remember the instructions they had received beforehand and hoped he could keep them all in mind.

The PA checked that their mics were secured on their collars and that they were switched on for the last time before sending them on stage. Then they could hear the introduction, cheesy and a little embarrassing, and after receiving their cue, Akihiko and Haruki stepped into the spotlight.

They exchanged their greetings with the nice lady and took their seats at her side, a small decorative table inbetween them and the host, on top of it some water for them as the guests of the show. Haruki didn't hesitate to immediately take a sip out of his cup, while she once more addressed one of the cameras to explain to the viewers that the other half of the band would come on air later during another segment.

The interview started off easy enough, the host asked simple questions about their band history and their music and adressed either him or Akihiko for each question, so they knew who was supposed to answer the question first and there was no weird pause or awkward talking over each other.

Haruki quickly felt comfortable, he was able to answer the questions with practiced ease by now and since he kept looking at their host or at Akihiko when he was speaking, he did almost forget about the cameras surrounding them.

Especially when he was gazing at Akihiko, since he looked really damn stunning. Not that that was news but the stylist really did a fine job accentuating the chiselled look of his cheekbones and under the spotlights those eyes were just the purest, glowing green.

Haruki almost swallowed his tongue when he noticed it was his turn to answer a question and had a moment of short-lived panic when he noticed he forgot what the question had been. But he quickly caught himself by just basically agreeing with what Akihiko had put in words just now and it seemed to do the job.

That had definitely put some colour on his cheeks but maybe it wasn't noticeable under all that powder the stylist had put on his face. Haruki did not have time to relax again since now the host was getting to the juicier questions, that was what the viewers were waiting for after all.

Still a bit off kilter from his previous fumbling, Haruki really wasn't prepared for the hard switch to the tabloid questions.

"So, Nakayama-kun, as the leader of Given you must be especially busy. You are an attractive young man and your band has many lovely fans, how do you balance your work with...let's say your love life?"

"Er, thank you," he accepted the compliment with some hesitation, trying to not let the frank question crumble his composure, "but we are all working really hard on our music and our focus lies completely on the band right now."

Haruki thought he had dodged the question nicely there but this interviewer was of the persistent kind and of course she would not let him weasel out of it so easily.

"It is very admirable how you guys are sacrificing your private lives for your career, but it must be really hard. Are you truly not dating someone?"

Her eyes were boring into him and she looked ready to latch onto any signs of weakness and Haruki noticed that he might have to reevaluate his impression of her as a nice lady. She was now giving off more of a cut-throat business woman vibe.

Haruki forcedly did not once move his head towards Akihiko, since he did not want to give away that he was indeed seeing someone and that someone was right at his side there and now. Instead he kept his eyes on the host, his smile a little forced now but still appearing natural to the untrained eye.

"It isn't always easy but it is fun and what we want to do," though with this line of questioning the fun part was definitely disputable, "and I currently don't have a girlfriend," he answered with that smile still in place.

That was not the question she had posed, but she seemed to be satisfied with the answer, having gleaned the information she wanted from it, though she would hopefully never know that despite having no girlfriend, Haruki was indeed dating someone. Glad he got away with the answer to a slightly but significantly different question, Haruki would not be the one to point it out to her.

The next question was aimed at Akihiko, apparently she did not want to ask the girlfriend question again, she was a pro after all and it wasn't as if their apparent single status wasn't readily available, official information. So this had just served as an entrance level question, maybe even to gauge their reaction to these kind of queries.

Haruki was wondering, if he should have reacted differently, but they could not afford to appear rude or snappish at their fragile status in the business. He hoped the topic would change back to something less uncomfortable.

"So, Kaji-kun, you elicit that bad-boy vibe that many of your fans like," she uncrossed and re-crossed her legs and then leaned a little forward to let her eyes wander over Akihiko's face, "We can see that you have a couple of piercings and your fans are really curious to know if you might be hiding some tattoos on that impressive body of yours, or, you know, other markings."

Haruki reeled from the shock of that question, he visibly twitched and tried to hide that movement by quickly grabbing his cup, almost spilling some water as he hastily moved it to his mouth. The hosts eyes snapped to him for a second before returning to Akihiko to fix him under her stare like she had done to him before.

Holy shit, did that woman just ask if Akihiko had a soulmark? It was so rude and invasive a question, she might as well have asked him if his dick was pierced, too. That was such an intimate question, Haruki's first impulse had been to open his mouth and tell her that this was inappropriate but he literally had to bite his tongue in order not to talk for Akihiko and to ruin their live appearance, because he was now suddenly very aware that this was not a recording they could just break off and re-shoot.

Ah the tricks of the trade, put them in a tight spot, get the good reactions. Haruki had to concentrate hard to listen to what Akihiko was about to say. He had always been the more laid-back type, but cheeky if he wanted to and very witty with sharp comebacks.

Haruki kept his cup held tight in his hands. His heart was pounding hard in his ears and it felt as if his soulmark was burning off his arm. But his soulmark had been completed over night and there was no physical pain anymore, it was just the supressed guilt trying to surface again. The guilt of not telling Akihiko but weirdly also the guilt of not having looked at the completed mark yet.

Not right now, not right now, he had to concentrate and listen to Akihiko. Given could not crumble under a few rude questions, he had to pull himself together. Haruki was just a little over-sensitive towards that particular topic right now. He really hoped that this was the epitome of rude questions and their host would not keep hunting this topic with a follow-up question, but one look at her face told him that she had licked blood. This was her art, what she was enjoying this job for.

Haruki felt the anger in his gut right beside that heavy stone that had settled there yesterday.

Akihiko and Haruki were soon given the cue to make their appearance on stage. Stepping onto the makeshift stage of the recording set, Akihiko straightened his posture unconsciously, eyes blinking as he adjusted to the glaring bright lights all around him. Ensuring that his expression looked bright and composed, Akihiko took the seat beside Haruki as the interview began.

The interview went smoothly. Most of the questions were fairly predictable and both of them had no trouble answering them. Akihiko's own answers were fairly curt and he admired the expressiveness and eloquence of Haruki's replies. Since he was paying close attention to Haruki's speech, Akihiko didn't miss noticing Haruki stumbling and stuttering at a reply to one of the questions.

He frowned slightly, confused. The question was quite basic and they had already been asked that question multiple times before. Was Haruki distracted by something and ended up losing his focus on the interview?

Akihiko rubbed at his neck, wondering what could have distracted Haruki. The questions revolving around romance were always daunting. The interviewer's persistance in questioning Haruki's relationship status made Akihiko grit his teeth. Times like this, Akihiko wished that he could just snap at the interviewer and tell them that Haruki's relationship status was none of her business.

He glanced worriedly at Haruki, concerned. Haruki's firm response soon convinced the interview to move on from him and onto questioning Akihiko.

The next question asked completely stunned Akihiko. Did the interviewer just ask about his soulmark? He gripped at his thighs, vision blurring as he fumed at the insolence and audacity of the interviewer. Glancing at Haruki, he noticed the dark look in his eyes and the crushing grip he had on his cup of water.

It seemed that Akihiko wasn't the only one infuriated by the question. Reminding himself to act professionally, Akihiko took in a deep breath. Putting on a coy smile, he replied to the question in a forced playful tone.

"Well, the answer to that shall remain a secret." Turning his attention to Haruki once again, Akihiko lightly placed his hand on Haruki's thigh, soothingly rubbing at it with his thumb. They could get angry at the interview or their manager after the interview has concluded. But now that the cameras are still recording, the interview must go on and their composure must be retained.

Akihiko's answer smoothly shut down the interviewer, it almost looked like she was pouting. And it was really smart since it effectively shut off any possible follow-up question. Of course he did it in a suave and charming way, probably making his fans swoon with the playful secrecy.

If any of their fans were actually watching this right now, it wasn't exactly the time slot for their usual concert audience and the purpose of the interview was to broaden their reach but there had to be some of the loyal fans who had followed Given's social media announcements and had tuned in to see this travesty of an interview.

One more reason to keep their composure, but Haruki was still angry about the casual disrespect with which certain topics were always persued. It was one thing to read such speculations and discussions in the comment section but to have a professional ask something like that...

Feeling Akihiko's light touch on his thigh, Haruki noticed how tense he was and tried to relax his muscles at least. He would love to put his hand on Akihiko's to reassure him that he was fine, since he had probably worried his boyfriend with his weird reactions so far. But even though the cameras were not picking up that gesture, Haruki kept his grasp on his cup, holding it with both hands like it was a warm mug of cocoa.

It looked like there were not too many questions left to get through, so Haruki tried to keep his focus on the host while mentally still agonizing over how he kept overthinking everything. It was really draining and Akihiko was picking up on it and getting worried about him.

Haruki had been too high strung since the last evening, he needed to find a way to relax. Yearning for his bass, Haruki was looking forward to their small gig later in the day. He would love to skip the next interview to get right to it. Playing music with the others would surely take the edge off of him. His fingers were itching to strum the strings to Akihiko's beat. He wanted to hear Ritsuka's amazing guitar and Mafuyu's heart-wrenching voice.

A jamming session with his band was all Haruki wanted right now. Well, that and a good snog with his boyfriend.

And, a treacherous voice in his head kept whispering, to look at his soulmark. The urge to see the finished design kept growing and Haruki almost regretted his earlier cowardice.

He had thought that as long as he didn't look at it, he could still deny it, but either the power of the soulmark was that strong or Haruki had just played himself mentally. Either way, the denial of his newly formed soulbond felt somehow cruel in a way. And yet, at the same time the curiosity about it felt like he was betraying the bond he had with Akihiko.

Haruki snapped his focus back into the here and now right on time to hear another question addressed at him, luckily they were back to the more generic ones it seemed and he gave one of his practiced replies to it.

Akihiko kept his hand on Haruki's thigh for the remainder of the interview. As the interviewer continued to ask more generic questions and Haruki swiftly answered them with ease, Akihiko sneakily peeked at Haruki from the corner of his eyes.

It wouldn't really be proper to be caught staring blatantly at Haruki during the interview. Rumours might arise and tarnish the band's reputation. Haruki's muscles were still taut and tense under his touch. A brief glance at Haruki's hands showed him a glimpse of whitened knuckles still tightly gripping around the cup.

He couldn't exactly see Haruki's expression clearly from where he was seated but he could imagine his forced smile and the look of muted anger in his eyes.

The viewers and their fans might not pick up on Haruki's anger beneath his cheerful farce but Akihiko had known Haruki for far too long to be fooled by him.

Another hour crawled past as they continued to sit there, talk and answer questions. When the interview finally concluded, Akihiko had to force himself to conceal his relief as he and Haruki were ushered out of the filming studio and back to the waiting room.

Akihiko couldn't quite remember what other events they had scheduled. Hopefully, they got to rest and recuperate from the long and exhausting interview.

Akihiko looked around. The other younger members of Given had not returned from their interview yet. Their manager had just stepped out to attend to a phone call. There was no one else in the waiting room besides Haruki and him.

Walking to the door and ensuring that it was firmly shut, he approached Haruki who was sitting on the couch in the waiting room. Adjusting himself so that his head rested on Haruki's lap, he laid on the couch. His back was sore from sitting for such a long time during the interview. He closed his tired eyes, glad to have a break from the bright lights. "Are you okay?" His voice sounded slightly raspy due to his reclined position but Akihiko was only concerned for Haruki.

The interview dragged on for longer than Haruki had expected or rather was hoping for. He stayed tense for the rest of the questions, answering them more on autopilot while still expecting another bomb to drop. Luckily they got through it without any more too intrusive inquiries and after stiffly saying his thanks to the interviewer and the production crew on set, Haruki was glad to be quickly led back to the waiting room with Akihiko.

He tried to talk to their manager about the first half of the interview and his issues with certain questions but was quickly brushed off with a comment that they'd discuss it later, since he was quite busy and stressed at the moment.

Haruki understood the sentiment but it did not help him work through his anger. As soon as they entered the waiting room, their manager had to take another phone call and walked outside to do his work, leaving them alone. Haruki flopped down on the couch, still silently brooding. He normally wasn't the type to stay angry for too long but sometimes it was hard to shake off a certain emotion when he got worked up about something.

Haruki was pulled out of his thoughts when Akihiko walked over to him, threw his long legs over the arm rest and used Haruki's thighs as a lap pillow for his head. Instantly, his attention was on Akihiko.

Haruki looked down onto his boyfriend, the bright green eyes hidden under his closed lids. Immediately, he wanted to touch Akihiko more, but he couldn't card his finger through the short hair since it was stiff with product that had been put into it to style it into fixed spikey strands.

Haruki lifted his right hand and stopped it in mid-air when Akihiko voiced his question, filled with concern for him again, asking if he was ok.

"Mhmm," he hesitated for a only a second, there was no reason to lie to Akihiko this time, "I'm a bit angry and exhausted. I really did not like that interview."

He put his hand on Akihiko's right cheek, feeling the smooth skin under his fingertips. His thumb traced over those thin lips that were always so inviting. He wanted to kiss them right now.

With those green eyes closed, Haruki did not feel flustered to look so closely at Akihiko's pretty face. To this day he was still mesmerized by his flawless beauty. Haruki let his fingers wander over Akihiko's forehead, drawing light circles around his temples in a soft massage. Then he followed the lines of Akihiko's fine brows and down the bridge of his nose.

Akihiko was addictive, sometimes it was scary how much Haruki was yearning to be near him. If he wasn't close for a while, he started to miss him a lot. When they touched, Haruki always wanted to touch more. He tried to hold back to not appear too needy and clingy, he was the older one and was scared to stifle Akihiko with his desire for skinship after all.

It wasn't as if Haruki really thought that it bothered Akihiko, he would say so if it did. Yet, their pasts and different experiences with previous partners as well as the slow and careful start of their relationship had left Haruki with some insecurities he was still carrying today. It wasn't easy to shake them off even if he logically knew he should put more trust into Akihiko and their relationship. It all still felt too good, too fragile for him to trust this happiness would last without some effort.

Haruki still tried to hide how touch-starved he really was more often than not. But these days it was even worse with their schedule and the secrecy and everything. So Haruki allowed himself to be a bit bolder and steal these little moments with Akihiko as much as he could.

Akihiko opened his eyes to gaze at Haruki. Memories from last night lingered on his mind and Akihiko's concern for the other had only grown since then. Watching him silently as Haruki traced his facial features, Akihiko reached up and twisted a strand of Haruki's hair around his finger.

He allowed the peaceful and tranquil silence to linger between them for another moment before pushing himself into an upright position.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Akihiko asked as he cupped Haruki's face within his hands. He tilted his head, waiting for an answer from Haruki. He hoped that his concern for the other would get through.

He didn't want Haruki to feel alone. No matter what Haruki needed, Akihiko was willing to be that for him. Even if Haruki demanded the stars in the sky, Akihiko would find a means to pluck them from the sky for him. After all, Haruki was the only person who had ever embraced and accepted him fully despite getting hurt by Akihiko times and again.

Gazing at Haruki's exhausted and stressed expression, Akihiko was reminded of those days back before Given had debuted. It hadn't been difficult for Akihiko to figure out Haruki's feelings for him back then. Haruki had always worn his heart on his sleeve and Akihiko had always been able to read Haruki well.

Intially, he had dismissed Haruki's flustered reactions and blushing cheeks as a mere crush. Still, he had been confused as to why Haruki had never made a move on him. As time had gone by, Haruki remained a constant at his side. He never demanded anything, never pushed and never wanted anything from Akihiko.

He had appeared happy to just be by Akihiko's side, playing music together with him. And Akihiko, in all his folly, had hurt him.

His flirting words and fruitless teasing had been nothing but cruel to Haruki who had pined so long for Akihiko. Still not a day went by where Akihiko did not not regret hurting Haruki.

Mafuyu's song had been the key trigger that had woke him up. It had been like a magic spell that opened his eyes to the person he had taken for granted. The person who had been patiently waiting for him. The person who had forgiven him so easily and loved him so deeply.

Akihiko knew that he could never erase the hurt he had dealt to Haruki back then. He could only hope to redeem himself by wholeheartedly loving Haruki. He would move mountains just to make Haruki happy.

Haruki's heart twinged at the sweet offer and gesture. Already, just the thought that Akihiko wanted to make him feel better, filled his heart to the brim. Haruki wished he would kiss him immediately but Akihiko left that decision up to him, still careful not to overstep a line, still hesitant even that long after an admittedly grave mistake in the past.

They were both fools. And while there was still a lot to work through, Haruki, in this very moment at least, was sure that they were both trying their best in their own clumsy ways. Two idiots too scared of hurting each other. They had built a protective wall between themselves, effectively making it harder to get closer to another.

There was a lot more to talk about before Haruki should bring up his soulmark, but they could not possibly work through all the piled up issues at once. It would be hard to find a good time for that particular problem. Haruki shoved that thought aside violently. Not right now.

He gave just a tiny nod to Akihiko's question before selfishly leaning in to bridge the small distance between them. Haruki closed his eyes as soon as their lips met, nibbling at Akihiko's piercing before deepening the kiss.

Maybe it was the stress and his current mindset but the simple kiss felt weirdly, emotionally intense. It was is if Haruki was putting all his feelings into this little gesture, maybe a bit desperate to convey his love, to make Akihiko understand how much he meant to him. But at the same time he also felt a strong feedback of a similar kind, like a two-way street, an echo of that devotion and despair.

Haruki had unconsciously put his hands on Akihiko's strong upper arms, feeling the biceps flex under his fingertips. He let them wander up towards his shoulders, before sliding them over and down his back a little, settling them just a bit over Akihiko's shoulder blades.

The movement wasn't planned, just going with the moment, following the need to touch. Haruki's focus was on the kiss, all these emotions it was whirring and stirring up, and trying not to tear up again. He could already feel his eyes sting a little behind his eyelids.

His fingers pressed into the firm flesh, pulling Akihiko closer to him.

Akihiko opens his eyes, gazing up at Haruki as the other pulled him closer. From his current position in Haruki's lap, he spied something white peeking out from under Haruki's shirt sleeve.

In one abrupt, swift movement, Akihiko sat up and nearly collided straight into Haruki. Hands desperately grabbing at Haruki's shirt sleeve, he pulled it up to reveal the white bandage beneath it.

An injury? Akihiko bit down on his lips. How did he not notice it earlier? Quickly trying to recall when Haruki could have injured himself, Akihiko remembered how upset Haruki was last night. Could it have been because of this injury? Haruki had even made sure to wear shirts which covered his upper arm, probably to try and conceal his injury from Akihiko.

Akihiko couldn't help berating himself and being disappointed in himself for not noticing the other's hurt sooner. "What happened?!" Akihiko demanded. Wincing a little at his harsh tone, Akihiko took a deep breath before repeating the question in a calmer, gentler tone.

Everything happened so fast. Haruki's mind was still caught in the emotional turmoil of the kiss that Akihiko's sudden movement didn't register until he had already pulled up Haruki's sleeve and was staring, or almost glaring even, at the white bandage wrapped around his arm.

Haruki's stomach twisted in panic. How? Why? He hadn't even been able to hide his soulmark for one whole day? Was this devine punishment? His blood turned to ice and Haruki could do nothing but sit there frozen, watching his world crumble right in front of him until Akihiko's sharp tone made him flinch.

There it was, the question that demanded an answer and the chance to come clean. But Haruki's throat was dry, he couldn't think, all he could hear was the loud thump and rush of his blood in his ears.

Akihiko took a breath and then asked him something again, probably repeating his previous question. Haruki didn't know, the noise in his head was too loud. But Akihiko's eyes were more gentle now and yet there was pain and disappointment in the depth of that green.

"Oh this? I think I might've pulled a muscle taking out my suitcase from the car yesterday. It's not too bad, probably just a strain anyways. I didn't want to make a fuss, so I took a bandage from the hotel's first-aid kit to make a compress. It's nothing to worry about."

Huh? What were these words tumbling out of his mouth? He didn't even realize what kind of explanation he was giving, just that it wasn't the truth. Was he that shocked and scared that even on autopilot his brain readily provided him with the next best lie to throw into Akihiko's face? Despite the obvious worry that his boyfriend was showing over his weird behaviour?

Haruki's hand moved to gently loosen Akihiko's grip on his sleeve so that he could pull it back down his arm. Hide the bandage again, keep what was underneath it hidden a little longer.

It hurt, not the soulmark but the fact that it was apparently easier to lie to Akihiko than to face the truth together. Haruki felt a deep shame wash over him. He was ashamed of his deception but even more so the fact that apparently he had so little trust in his bond with Akihiko that he could not fight the fear. His lack of courage was an insult to Akihiko's dedication to him as was his denial of his soulbond to his soulmate.

Haruki was lying to him. Akihiko knew that instantly. Even without pulling off that bandage and verifying the truth, Akihiko could tell from Haruki's uneasy expression that he was telling a blatant lie. But why would Haruki lie to him?

Akihiko couldn't ignore the dismay and disappointment welling up in him. He felt betrayed by his beloved. What could have happened that Haruki couldn't share with Akihiko? Did Haruki not trust him? Insecurity rose in Akihiko. He knew all along that Haruki was too good for him. Something had to fall apart at some point of time. Maybe this was Haruki's way of slowly pushing him away. Or... could Haruki have... done something unforgivable...? Akihiko quickly dismissed that thought. No. Haruki would never cheat on him. Akihiko eyed the offending bandage, glaring at it as though he could see past it if he stared hard enough. He wanted to just rip off the bandage and see what lay beneath it but he reined himself in, not wanting to disrespect or hurt Haruki.

Getting up from the couch, Akihiko mumbled an excuse before exiting the waiting room. Fighting to maintain his composure, he went straight to the restroom. Once inside, he locked himself in a toilet cubicle. Sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor, Akihiko hugged his knees. A few stray tears escaped the corner of his eyes against his will. He couldn't help it. After all, he might be on the verge of losing what he held most dear to him.

Haruki just nodded at whatever reason Akihiko had given him to stand up and leave the room. His throat was closing up with the ever-growing lump in it. His hands clamped together, Haruki kept staring sightlessly at them, blinking rapidly in order not to let those tears fall that kept filling his eyes.

He had fucked up. So badly. He was never a good liar in the first place, much less so in Akihiko's presence. Of course he would not believe him. Haruki had no idea what he had sounded or looked like in that very moment but if it had been reflecting even a fraction of how he had felt, well, he was an open book to Akihiko anyways.

He had hurt Akihiko and he could not even run after him and apologize. What was he to say? 'Sorry, I was hiding a newly formed soulmark because I am scared it will destroy our relationship but oops, I already did that all on my own now, didn't I?'

Haruki suppressed a sob. No, no, he would not go down that rabbit hole again. He knew that he was really good at falling into depressing thoughts, but this was just a misunderstanding, right? They could still talk and clear things up. This was not the end of their relationship, just another hurdle.

When the door opened, Haruki swung around almost expecting Akihiko to be storming back in and demanding a real answer. Fierce and assertive like he used to be in the past, if a bit overbearing at times. But he had left so quietly, without another question or calling him out on his bullshit, and the people entering the room were Ritsuka and Mafuyu instead.

Haruki quickly wiped his hands over his eyes and took a deep breath before welcoming the younger members back in a more composed manner, he hoped. Ritsuka and Mafuyu were still babbling about their interview to each other, the banter a familiar sound to Haruki's ears.

It was easy to ask a few basic questions and have the excited young men report their experience in detail. Unfortunately most of that information went straight over Haruki's head as his mind was still with Akihiko. He managed to make the right assertive sounds at the right moment but the first time when he was actually drawn out of his thoughts was when Mafuyu asked him where Kaji-san was.

"Oh, he uhm...went out for a bit shortly before you two entered the room." Haruki tried to remember if Akihiko had told him where he was going but he had never received that information. How long had he been gone now? Where was he? Should Haruki be worried?

He didn't know that he had sprung up until Ritsuka asked him if he was alright. Every cell in Haruki's body was telling him to go and look for Akihiko. He wanted to be with him and comfort him but that was an arrogant thought when he was the one who had hurt him in the first place.

So Haruki sat back down again, apologizing to Ritsuka and Mafuyu who exchanged looks with each other. Obviously, they had noticed that something was off but so far they were still too polite to ask directly what had happened in their absence.

Haruki hoped that Akihiko would return soon, even though he did not know how to face his boyfriend right now.

Still curled up around himself, Akihiko tried to regulate his breathing to force his tears to stop falling. Breathe in... Breathe out... Breathe in... Breathe out... The slow and rhythmic motions gradually calmed him down. He was still trembling slightly but at the very least, he had managed to stop crying.

With great effort, Akihiko grabbed onto the bathroom walls, pulling himself up. Once he had made sure that no one else was around, he exited the cubicle. Turning on the tap, he scooped up some water and splashed it on his face. Looking into the mirror, he noticed the paleness of his complexion. There was nothing much he could do about it. Drying his face on some paper towels, he reluctantly went back outside.

By now, the other younger members would be done with their interview. Akihiko would have to face Haruki as well as Mafuyu and Uenoyama. He didn't want the other members to worry about him or Haruki. It seemed that he would have to pretend that everything was fine.

Pushing open the door to the waiting room, he re-entered the room again, a stoic expression set on his face. Mafuyu and Uenoyama had indeed returned from their interview. They sat next to each other, chatting jovially about their interviews.

Akihiko greeted them cheerily with a "hey" but opted to not look at Haruki, afraid that the sight of him would open his floodgates again. Swallowing hard, he picked up his bag, pretending to rummage in it for something. Finding his earphones, he removed them from his bag. Plugging in his earphones to his phone, he engrossed himself in one of his favourite songs at maximum volume. Leaning back in his chair, he closed his eyes and let the music wash over him.

Trying to distract himself had worked semi-successfully. Haruki just stared at the schedule sheets as if he was trying to burn a hole through them. He knew the content by heart, in fact he was sick of it by now. He was just looking for a distraction to keep him rooted in his seat and not dashing off to find Akihiko.

Usually the reminder of having to stay professional kept Haruki focussed even in stressful situations but the lack of Akihiko in the room was so pressing, it made it hard for him to breathe.

Haruki was aware that Ritsuka and Mafuyu kept throwing glances at him and each other, since he usually wasn't the type to show any nervous ticks but was currently a prime example of restless legs syndrome, endlessly bouncing his right leg as an outlet for all his stressed energy.

When Akihiko finally returned after what felt like an eternity, Haruki instantly stilled. He looked at him and noticed the hard lines in his face, the stoic expression and the fact that he would not look at Haruki no matter what.

The sight of a despondent Akihiko was deeply disturbing. He usually confronted people head on. But Haruki had made it clear that he wasn't on the same level with him, that he'd rather lie than face a conflict and now he had to deal with an Akihiko that was quietly withdrawing and learnt that this was even worse than having an argument with him.

Watching Akihiko pace through the room, rummage through his bag and physically disconnect from his band members by plugging his ears with music and closing his eyes to them, Haruki just put his finger on his lips and shook his head at Ritsuka who had opened his mouth to finally address the weird situation. At the moment they could let it slide, but there was no denying that Haruki's blunder was affecting the band and he really could not let this happen.

They needed to talk. Haruki desperately wanted to know what was going through Akihiko's head at the moment. Well, clearly he had been upset but there were many more layers to the hurt he had seen flash up in those green eyes. Eyes that seemed a little red-rimmed when Akihiko returned from wherever he had disappeared to.

With Akihiko back with the group, Haruki was a bit calmer than before but his mind was still whirring with thoughts about how to get back out of this mess and the fear of not knowing what was on Akihiko's mind.

Haruki jumped a little in surprise when their manager stormed back into the room to tell the pairs to get ready for their next set of interviews, same constellation as before, switched studios now. Haruki managed to warn the younger men about his and Akihiko's previous host and her inclination to ask nasty questions, before he walked over to his partner to lightly tap him on his shoulder over the back of the couch.

With that volume on his earphones Akihiko likely hadn't noticed their manager's announcement to be on standby. Leaning over, he looked down at Akihiko and tried the tiniest of smiles.

"Hey, standby time, the next interview is coming up soon. They'll take us to the studio in a few minutes." Talking so casually to him like nothing had happened was the weirdest feeling but there was work to be done and Haruki had the feeling that he really should not follow the avoidance tactic. That hadn't worked too well so far.

Akihiko jolted at the touch on his shoulder. Pulling out his earphone, he listened to Haruki's words. His body was tensed and stiffened from Haruki's touch. He nodded stiffly, acknowledging that he had heard Haruki. He replaced his belongings in his bag and quickly stepped out of the waiting room before anyone else could engage him in coversation.

As the group made their way to the studio, he stayed at the front of the group, leading the way together with the employee who was in charge of escorting them to the studio. He didn't want to leave any opportunities for anyone to start a conversation with him.

The interview passed in a blur. Akihiko could barely focus on it. His mind felt hazy and he was felt horribly exhausted. It took all his energy just to respond to the questions given to him. When all the interviews were completed, the group proceeded to a music studio to record a song of theirs. Akihiko stumbled through the practice. He knew that he was off for most of it since he couldn't find any heart to put into his playing. The music that he usually felt with his entire soul gave him a dizzying headache. Dread weighed heavily on him and he avoided any interaction or even eye contact with anyone. Two hours into their fruitless and dismal practice session, their manager dismissed them back to their hotel rooms.

Taking the opportunity, Akihiko packed up and was out of the door before anyone else could react. He didn't know exactly where to go but he definitely did not want to return to their shared hotel room. He still didn't feel ready to face Haruki. He found himself wandering in the streets, accompanied by the approaching dusk with his mobile phone switched off and tucked away in his back pocket.

Approaching Akihiko was not an easy task especially since they still had their professional work to do. But it was clear that Akihiko had withdrawn himself and he was very short and stiff in his answers during their second interview. Haruki tried his best to keep up a cheerful demeanor but at least half of his own mind was busy with worrying about Akihiko.

After the interview the band reunited again and immediately went on its way to the recording studio, where Given was supposed to record a new track to be broadcast on a show. But that was where everything went to hell. Their warm-up was disastrous. Staff was kind enough to get them some extra time for more practice, it was a new track after all, but that only showed how Given, as a band, could not come together for some reason. The reason being the rhythm section.

Akihiko was so out of it, Haruki had never heard him play the drums like this before and while he surely wasn't on top of his game either, he tried to make his bass fit Akihiko's playing, but that only made things worse.

They could not record the track like this and while staff was kind enough to them, telling them that these things happened sometimes and that they still had some time buffer and could possibly reschedule, it stood that this was a huge inconvenience and reflected negatively on the band.

Mafuyu looked absolutely shocked and puzzled and Haruki was glad that Ritsuka had matured enough over the years to not explode right then and there, even if he looked like he really wanted to scold the rhythm section for their horrendous performance. At least one of them could remain professional it seemed.

Their manager wasn't thrilled by this development either. He put a lot of effort into apologizing to the recording studio and negotiating another chance for Given to prove themselved before being replaced by another band who would love to get such an opportunity handed to them.

They returned to their hotel where their manager pulled Haruki aside to discuss what had happened that day, while the others returned to their rooms. As the band leader Haruki was bearing a huge chunk of the responsibility especially as this disaster was his fault, but he could not possibly tell that to their manager, so he ended up using some vague excuse while apologizing in earnest and promising to try to get things under control as soon as possible.

When Haruki finally returned to his and Akihiko's room, the other one wasn't there. Haruki thought he might be over at Ritsuka and Mafuyu's room to talk to them. He went to the bathroom to freshen up a bit. It had been a long day and Haruki was exhausted from the additional emotional strain on top of everything else that had happened.

He really needed to talk things out with Akihiko. Haruki was still shocked to have seen him so withdrawn and out of it, he wasn't his usual self. And all of this because Haruki had lied to him. Some people might think this was a bit of an overreaction but thinking back to Akihiko's previous relationship...

While Haruki never heard the full story, there were bits and pieces that he could put together on his own along with the stuff that Akihiko had revealed to him back when he was living with Haruki for a while because he had no other place to return to. No matter how that relationship might have had started, towards the end it had seemed that distrust and violence had been the core of it, before Akihiko had managed to fully cut that bond.

Haruki looked at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror. Dread and guilt were clear in his eyes and he immediately drew his gaze back down to the sink. Who knew what sore spot he unintentionally might have hit with his behaviour? What was Akihiko thinking about? He must have come up with his own reason for Haruki's lie.

Haruki left the bathroom and stood in the small hotel room staring at their beds not knowing what to do. It was then that he noticed something was off. Akihiko's suitcase was missing. It had been right beside his bed but wasn't there anymore.

"Oh no, no no no!" Haruki panicked. He went to the wardrobe and pulled the doors open. Most of their clothes they had kept in their suitcases since it was too much effort to unpack and repack for such a short time but they had put some of the bigger things, like their coats, on a hanger in the wardrobe. Akihiko's was missing.

Haruki whirrled around scanning the room for any signs of Akihiko's belongings. Everything was gone. Akihiko was gone.

A whirlpool of emotions pulled Haruki into its depth. Confused, angry, panicked, hurt, guilty, Haruki paced the room, trying to calm down and sort his thoughts out but all he could think about was that Akihiko had left. Just packed up his things and straight up left. And it felt like his worst nightmare had come true.

He needed to talk to Akihiko!

Haruki fumbled for his phone and quick-dialed Akihiko's number. His heart in his throat, it plummeted right down to his stomach when the automated woman's voice kindly informed him that the contacted person might be out of the service area or had their phone switched off.

Haruki hung up. There was no way to contact Akihiko. No way to know where he was, what he was doing. Haruki sat down on his bed, defeatedly staring at the screen of his phone. He didn't even think about that he should probably tell their manager that Akihiko was gone or what kind of troubl e he was in, if he did not tell him and he would notice it later.

Haruki just worried what was going on in Akihiko's head and hoped that he wasn't up to anything stupid. He noticed that his hands were trembling when the screen from the smartphone started shaking weirdly.

Haruki opened the messenger app they used to text to each other and wrote a message he hoped Akihiko would read at some point.

"Where are you? Please come back! I can't contact you and I am worried. Are you safe? Please call me as soon as you read this. You just left without a word and I am scared. I don't know what you are thinking but please talk to me. I love you."

His vision blurred as Haruki typed the last three words and when he hit the 'send' button the tears started rolling down his cheeks freely. It felt like he had already lost Akihiko and the fear and pain from that thought alone were devastating.

He felt so lonely in that small hotel room. Haruki wanted to run outside and look for Akihiko but he had no idea where to start, so he stayed in their room, huddled up on his bed, crying to himself as he kept clinging desperately to his smartphone.

Akihiko wandered the streets with a blank mind. Less than twenty four hours ago, he had been blissfully in bed, tucked in next to the warmth of his loving boyfriend. Twenty four hours later, everything had fallen apart. When had things gone wrong?

Self-hatred suffocated Akihiko. He mentally replayed the scenario of his discovery of the bandage and Haruki's lie. Absorbed in his thoughts, Akihiko stumbled on an uneven part of the sidewalk. Jolted from his thoughts, he blinked in confusion and halted his steps. Looking around him for the first time in a long while since exiting the hotel room, Akihiko found himself in front of a run-down, shabby looking motel. The walls of the motel were faded and yellow. Bugs crawled in the shadows. Almost every painted surface was scratched and peeling off. The single lit lamp in front of the motel flickered at regual intervals. Akihiko looked up and down the street, peering into the darkness and searching for any other place he could seek refuge in.

Sighing heavily, he acknowledged that the horrible motel was his best shot. Wandering around further at this time of night was simply unsafe and unwise. He could end up getting mugged or lost. There might not even be any other motel or hotels available for miles. Grimacing, he reluctantly entered the motel. The squeaky door of the motel and creaking floors made Akihiko want to turn back and head back onto the streets but he gritted his teeth and asked the old lady at the counter for a room. After placing a small deposit, he was given a simple silver key.

Heading in the direction that he was pointed to by the old lady, he entered a small room in the motel. The air inside the room was musty and the furniture was covered in a layer of dust. Akihiko was thankful that the room appeared pest-free at least. Brushing as much dust as he could off the sheets, he climbed into bed.

The very thought of changing or taking a shower exhausted him. His mobile phone was a heavy weight in his pocket and Akihiko pulled it out. The device's battery was completely flat. Akihiko knew that he should probably charge it. His manager and Haruki might be frantically searching for him by now. But he couldn't face them... that was why he was here in this dilapidated motel in the first place. He tossed his mobile phone into the corner of the bed. Pressing his face into the pillow, he let sleep wash over him. Maybe when he woke up next, everything that had happened would have been nothing more than a mere nightmare.

It took a while for Haruki to calm down enough to dry his eyes and not immediately well up again. He tried to get used to the thought that he probably would not be hearing from Akihiko soon since his phone seemed to have been switched off.

Still, it felt wrong to just wait and do nothing. And he needed to let their manager know about the situation. It was the only thing he could do right now. It might have been unfair but Haruki was tired and exhausted and he felt a bit angry at Akihiko for doing something reckless and irresponsible like this.

He had no choice. Haruki gathered the last bits of his courage and walked to their manager's room. Knocking on the door, he did not have to wait 5 seconds to be let in. As soon as the words left Haruki's mouth that Akihiko was missing, he was expecting to get yelled at. But their manager took a good look at him and saw that he was an utter mess.

He sighed and combed his fingers through his hair, indicating Haruki to take a seat and tell him everything he knew. Haruki did not exactly do that, since he could not reveal his relationship with Akihiko much less the whole thing with the soulmark appearing on his arm, so he came up with something as close to the truth as possible, that they had something like a fight and Akihiko seemed to have taken it worse than expected. The only absolute truth was that Haruki could not have foreseen that he would just disappear on them like this without any chance to get contacted on top of it.

His manager took the information and nodded along, making the connection to their miserable performance earlier that afternoon, he remarked, "So that's why you guys were such a mess at the recording". Haruki immediately bowed to apologize again, ashamed to have everyone else dragged into this.

They discussed what to do now. The manager decided that it was too early to involve the police, he wanted to wait until the next day and see if Akihiko might contact them before considering more drastic measures, especially as this seemed to be an internal issue with the band members. Nothing too serious, hopefully, but he would not be in this business if he wasn't expecting some idol drama along the way, though it still surprised him coming from Haruki and Akihiko of all people.

The manager dismissed him with reassuring words, telling him that he was taking care of things and that everything would work out and the promise that he would inform the other band members of the issue. Haruki returned to his room, where it was back to waiting again.

With nothing else to do and exhaustion taking over, Haruki grabbed his sleepwear and made his way to the bathroom again. He was going to take a quick shower and undressed for it. Unwrapping the bandage from his arm, Haruki took a look at his soulmark for the first time since its completion, since he had nothing else to lose anymore.

It was a beautiful sight. Haruki would not have thought that a pattern like this would suit him but it did look rather pretty, elegant yet bold but not too overbearing altogether. A perfect balance. Biting his lips, Haruki refused to tear up again. He gently traced the mark with is fingers and it might have been his imagination but he received a bit of reassurance and courage from it, even though it was the catalyst of the whole mess to begin with.

Haruki took his shower and got ready for bed. He skipped dinner since he did not have any appetite and instead curled up on Akihiko's side of the bed and mindlessly scrolled through social media on his phone before he became too tired and finally went to a fitful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Akihiko awoke the next morning in complete disorientation. His throat was parched and hurting. His skin felt grimy from dust and his eyes felt swollen. He pushed himself into an upright position, looking around him and taking in his surroundings. It took him a while to recognise that he was in a motel room.

As he recalled his current location, the events of the previous day all came back to him. Haruki. The interview. Haruki's lie. Avoiding everyone. Him running away. Akihiko pressed his palms over his eyes in distress. He stumbled over to his luggage and rummaged through it for his phone charger. Finally locating and pulling his charger free from the mess inside his luggage, he plugged his phone to charge using a free electric outlet. Haruki and the others were probably worried about him and Akihiko could not ignore the responsible part of him that urged him to at least check in with them.

He sat on the squeaky mattress of the bed, staring down at the blank screen of his phone. After ten minutes of procrastinating, he reached for his phone and booted it.

The moment the phone was fully rebooted, missed calls and messages came pouring in. Haruki, their manager and even Mafuyu and Ritsuka had tried to reach out to him multiple times. He had made so many worry for him, Akihiko thought bitterly. Clenching his fist and digging his nails into the palm of his hand, Akihiko selected Haruki's contact with his other free hand. His fingers were trembling but he still manage to tap on Haruki's contact.

Staring down at it, he was faced with the photograph that he had set for Haruki's contact. He still remember taking that photograph of Haruki back when Given was still starting out. They had not been dating yet and Akihiko had been with Ugetsu still. The members of Given had surprised Haruki with a party for his birthday and he rememberd with great clarity, Haruki's delight at finding out the surprise. Haruki had had his hair up in a braided fashion that night and had looked especially lovely.

Akihiko couldn't help the smile forming on his lips at those precious memories of Haruki. Pulling himself out of his memories and back into reality, Akihiko hesitantly clicked on the call button. Even as he waited for Haruki to answer the phone, Akihiko wished for Haruki to not pick up that call.

Even before his alarm rang, Haruki woke up from a not very restful sleep after a night of tossing and turning. Forcing himself to get up, because his bladder was kind of pressing him to, Haruki groaned and groggily made his way over to the bathroom to relieve himself. He brushed his teeth and splashed some cold water into his face.

Haruki tried his best not to think about how lonely the hotel room felt without Akihiko's presence in it. His phone showed no messages when he had a look at it to shut off the alarm, his own sent ones were still on unread.

He knew that in his panic, Haruki worried too much. It was unlikely that Akihiko would just vanish and disappear out of his life like that, but he couldn't help but imagine the worst case scenarios that kept forming in his mind. He had to actively shake them off and tell himself that Akihiko had probably just returned home or maybe he had a friend living close where he could have crashed the night, or..... or something bad had happened after all! It still didn't sit right with Haruki that he had not been able to contact Akihiko at all.

He sighed. His thoughts were running around in circles, so he tried to distract himself with making his bed. Rather, Akihiko's bed that he had slept in that night. Maybe that had contributed to the weird, shapeless dreams that had troubled Haruki in his sleep.

He went on to get dressed and gather his stuff scattered around the room and his personal hygiene articles from the bathroom to repack his suitcase, since the band would be leaving the hotel that day. Crouching by his suitcase, Haruki's stomach started to growl loudly, complaining about the skipped meal from last night. He was thinking about going down to the dining hall to have his breakfast shortly, when his phone started ringing.

The sound was so unexpected, Haruki confusedly looked where it was coming from, realizing that his smartphone was ringing and vibrating on the small table. He jumped up, sprinting the short distance to the table, almost falling over his suitcase in the process. Contrary to what he dared to hope, Haruki saw Akihiko's contact information flaring up on screen. He grabbed his phone, instantly swiped to the green receiver symbol and put his smartphone up to his ear.

"Akihiko!" Haruki didn't mean to yell, he wasn't exactly screaming but still answering his phone in a louder, more excited voice than normal. He also probably sounded a bit out of breath from his little sprint and his pulse spiking thanks to the fact that Akihiko was actually calling.

Haruki wanted to ask so much, was he safe, where was he, what was happening with them and the band, but the words stayed stuck in his throat and his mind was focussed on listening. He wanted to hear Akihiko's voice so badly, he couldn't even hear him breath yet.

"Akihiko?" Haruki repeated more calmly, a little insecure and self-conscious. He didn't dare say more.

When he heard Haruki's voice over the phone, Akihiko jolted. His heart started thumping erratically and in that moment, he was at a complete loss for words. How was he supposed to justify his emotions using words? What if Haruki couldn't understand or thought that he was over-reacting?

"I..." Akihiko trailed off hesitantly.

Instead of explaining himself, Akihiko decided to reassure Haruki of his safety first. "I'm at a motel right now. It's dingy and dirty but it's safe. I... might stay here for a while."

Haruki inhaled sharply at the sound of Akihiko's voice and unconsciously held his breath. At the other end of the line, Akihiko sounded a bit hesitant as well. It had never been this hard for them to talk to each other, it was so abstruse it would have almost been funny if it wasn't such a damn serious situation.

Haruki cringed inwardly when he heard where Akihiko was currently at. Not that he had told him the exact location, just enough description of the motel to give Haruki plenty of unpleasant images.

On a shaky exhale Haruki tried to sound neutral enough not to let through that Akihiko's plan to stay away for a bit longer did hurt him quite a bit. He must have done something awful to Akihiko for him to prefer a run down motel over anything else, just because it was a place that Haruki did not know the exact location of.

"I....I am glad you are safe. B-but do you have to stay in such a place? I mean, can't you just go home to your apartment? It would ease my mind to know you are in a familiar, safe place. You can talk to our manager and he can send a car for you to pick you up!" Haruki knew he was rambling. With every word he hoped he wasn't saying something wrong, fearing Akihiko would just hang up on him. But the words kept flowing out of his mouth.

"If you need time," his voice started to break, "I understand." Haruki wiped furiously over his treacherous eyes that had started to leak again.

"But we should also talk," he sniffled pathetically, "f-face to face?" Not like this, not over the phone. Haruki wanted to see Akihiko and talk things out in person.

"I'm sorry." It sounded like he was apologizing for not keeping it together, but it was meant in a far deeper way that those two words just could not ever express.

"I..." As much as going back to his apartment sounded like an excellent idea, Akihiko was reluctant. He didn't want to go back to his apartment and have his location known to all the other Given members and his manager for them to confront him about his actions. He wanted to avoid that desperately, even if it meant staying at this shady motel for a while.

"I don't know if I can talk to you," Akihiko also admitted to Haruki. Haruki's lie to him was still very much a fresh wound within Akihiko and he was not certain that he could converse with Haruki about it in a calm, rational mindset. Dissolving into tears at the first words out of Haruki's mouth would probably not bode well for their conversation.

Akihiko took a deep breath to calm himself down. Even the thought of having a conversation with Haruki was enough to send him into utmost distress.

"I'm sorry too... For leaving... But I didn't know what else to do." Akihiko hung his head, feeling the familiar warm heat of tears in his eyes once again. He was so tired of crying and overthinking things and he wanted nothing more than for Haruki to embrace him and assure him that nothing has changed. He wanted Haruki to scold him for being an absolute fool and overthinking things.

And yet, he just could not bring himself to face Haruki. "What do I do, Haruki?" The habitual question slipped out. He was so used to depending on Haruki on telling him and giving him advice on what to do that now, all on his own, he couldn't decide on an appropriate course of action.

Akihiko laughed bitterly to himself. He really couldn't live without Haruki.

Even if Akihiko could not see it, Haruki nodded along, trying to force himself to accept that he did not want to face him, even if the honest admission made Haruki's heart twinge painfully. But he had no right to complain about it. It was crystal clear that Haruki's behaviour had hurt Akihiko in such a way that he saw no other way to react.

Akihiko sounded utterly lost and broken and yet, when he asked Haruki what he should do, there was the familiar trust and dependence in those words that it made Haruki just so much more aware that this was his responsibility. He was the older one, the person who had messed things up, so it was on him to try and fix it.

Haruki did not magically know how to do that but he felt a surge of courage and decided that he needed to stop wallowing in self-pity for starters.

He took a deep breath and thought about what would be the best for Akihiko at the moment.

"You should take your time and calm down. But... don't try to hide, ok? I'll talk to our manager and take care of anything related to the band."

That was a bold claim and one thing that was sure to get him into more trouble, if only in the form of a big scolding from their manager, but it was best for Akihiko that he did not have to worry about that as well.

"If you need anything, let me know, ok? At any time, you know that, right?" It was so weird and maybe a bit arrogant to offer his help to the person he had hurt.

"And, Akihiko?" There was one last thing Haruki had to make sure to get across, "I love you."

Despite everything and all his insecurities, this was the one thing that Haruki knew, his feelings towards Akihiko he could say with utter confidence.

"I... I love you too." Akihiko had hesitated to say those three words back but the emotions behind those words were definitely genuine. Despite everything, he still loved Haruki. Akihiko just needed to get himself together and be able to communicate with Haruki. Of course, it was easier said than done.

Hanging up the call, Akihiko spent the remaining time in the morning lazing in bed. He didn't want to get out of bed, didn't want to look at the rest of this hotel room. Akihiko lost track of time. He was vaguely aware of the passing of time indicated by the changing colours outside the window but he had no idea exactly how much time had passed.

His stomach growled and his throat felt parched but Akihiko ignored them both. When the room was shrouded in darkness again, Akihiko got out of bed. His body felt limp and weak. Coming across some biscuits and crackers in his luggage, Akihiko forced himself to eat them. Even if he didn't have any real appetite, he had to have some sustenance. Haruki also said to... Akihiko dismissed that thought with misty eyes.

After ending the phone call, Haruki's heart was still beating fast. He was relieved to hear Akihiko return his love declaration but couldn't shake his concern that him staying alone wasn't the best idea. But there was nothing he could do about it right now and Haruki had promised Akihiko to leave him be and give him time to collect himself.

Haruki finished packing up his suitcase and then went down to the dining area to eat breakfast. Afterwards he spoke to the manager and the other band members about his phone call with Akihiko. The discussion went on quite a bit until Given had to check out of the hotel. There was one more appointment before the band members would be escorted back home.

It felt weird to show up without Akihiko but the excuse for the missing member was accepted without deeper questioning and more with an expression of concern and a wish for a quick recovery for the apparently sick drummer.

Haruki tried his best to mentally stay in the present and focus on work so that Akihiko would not have to worry, but his thoughts did end up wandering towards his boyfriend every so often anyways. He could not help but wonder what Akihiko was doing at certain times, if he had eaten properly and if he had moved to a better location yet.

Slowly but surely the day came to an end. Haruki said his goodbye to Mafuyu and Ritsuka, encouraging them to text Akihiko over the next few days, not to put pressure on him but to include him still. He basically just told the younger members to text Akihiko like they usually would, random everyday shenanigans they were up to. Haruki was sure that those messages would include at least a couple of dog pictures from Mafuyu. He still really liked to snap photos of Kedama whenever possible.

The black van with Ritsuka and Mafuyu drove off first, delivering them to the safety of their private homes. Haruki stayed behind to have a last talk with their manager. He had agreed to give Akihiko a couple of days to collect himself since Given did not have any more appointments for the rest of the week. But he made it clear to Haruki that he expected them to get their shit together by next week the latest, a promise Haruki definitely could not make but he nodded his understanding anyways.

There were a couple of things they would have to clear up over phone calls and e-mail, so Haruki would definitely not lack any work the upcoming days but he was sure he would welcome the distraction.

When the second van drove Haruki home and dropped him off in front of his apartment, the manager, for good measure, reminded him once more about the upcoming appointments for Given, including the re-scheduled song recording that they had messed up so badly yesterday. He made sure that Haruki understood another failure to deliver would not reflect well on the band.

Haruki bowed in apology and respect, acknowledging the advice for what it was and watched the car take leave before carrying his suitcase up to his apartment. When he entered, a cold darkness welcomed him back. It felt like he had been gone way longer than just a couple of days and further too for some reason.

Haruki quickly switched on the light and put the suitcase on the couch to pick out his laptop and some of the clothes for laundry. Opening up the laptop, Haruki connected it with his bluetooth speakers and put on some of his favourite playlists to counter the pressing silence of his apartment. Taking his favourite blanket from the back rest of the couch, Haruki wrapped it around his shoulders and cuddled up on the couch with the music playing and him fiddling with his smartphone.

There had been no message from Akihiko since their short talk from the morning. Haruki was itching to type a quick update to him but he wasn't sure how to go about it. He did not want to make it sound too 'business only' with the reworked band schedule and also tried to avoid the whole issue with Given but at the same time he did not want to come across as prying if he was asking about Akihiko's day.

Haruki started typing something, then deleted it. He put his phone on the table beside his laptop, rummaged in his suitcase for three seconds, then grabbed it again and aimlessly typed and retyped inside the little text field, before giving up again.

Sighing, Haruki pulled his legs closer, wrapping his arms around them and putting his head on his knees defeatedly. He closed his eyes and listened to the music playing, trying to just think about the the sounds, filtering the bass out and imagining himself playing those cords.

Akihiko wasn't sure how many hours or even days had passed. His morose mood left little motivation for him to do much. He lay on the motel bed most of the time, scrolling on his phone or simply laying still in thought. When he finally felt motivated enough to get up and take a shower, it was night.

How many nights had it been since Akihiko had walked out from the hotel room? He didn't have a clue and honestly, he wasn't bothered enough to find out. As he showered in the freezing cold water provided by the motel services, he flashbacked to the bandage on Haruki's arm. That constant question revolved in his head. Why did Haruki not tell him about it?

Akihiko wouldn't have gotten too angry or upset about Haruki accidentally injuring himself... unless... Akihiko nearly dropped the showerhead as a startling revelation came to him. What if Haruki was hiding something else? Something worse than an injury? But what could be worse than an injury... it could only be... a soulmark.

He slumped down into the shower cubicle, all energy sapped from him. Haruki must have gotten his soulmark then. But... Akihiko hadn't gotten his yet. Matching soulmarks typically emerged within a day of each other. Does that mean that Akihiko and Haruki were not soulmates? That there was someone out there who would complement and be better for Haruki? No, this was all his speculation. It could not be the case.

Filled with renewed energy, Akihiko quickly finished showering. He needed to see Haruki, now. He needed to know that no soulmark lay beneath Haruki's bandage. Haruki was still his.

Hastily getting dressed, Akihiko sent a quick text before dashing out of the motel room with only his phone and wallet.

"Meet me at the studio where we last rehearsed together."

Haruki spent the next two days busying himself with a lot of work, which wasn't too hard to do since there were a ton of issues that demanded his attention. For some parts it was a nice distraction from his worry over Akihiko but since most of his work was band-related, the effect of the distraction was severely mitigated. It was hard to make plans and schedules when he wasn't even sure that their drummer would return anytime soon if at all.

The daily activities took a lot more focus and energy than usual and by the evening Haruki felt pretty exhausted. Standing in his kitchen, he was throwing together a quick meal for dinner, not having eaten a lot over the day. The sizzling of the frying pan was awfully loud in the otherwise eerie quiet of the apartment. Haruki didn't feel like putting on some music for once.

Fiddling with his phone, he thought he should really text Akihiko soon. As hard as it had been, Haruki had left Akihiko alone the past two days, but the week was coming to an end and if they didn't have a talk over the weekend, things would go south even harder soon.

There was a burning smell in the air and with a curse Haruki tried to save his food. He really needed to keep his head in the game. Luckily, his meal was salvagable and he could still eat, if not fully enjoy it. His lack of appetite these days wasn't helping but his stomach still demanded food and so he ate.

After doing the dishes, Haruki decided to start on his bedtime routine even though it wasn't all that late yet. He took a long, hot shower to ease the tension out of his muscles, hoping the water would also takes his thoughts with it down the drain. His skin was red and wrinkly when he finally stepped out of the shower.

Bandaging up his soulmark quickly had become a routine for Haruki, not only out of necessity but also because he himself couldn't bear to look at it. For multiple reasons.

With a smaller towel, Haruki squeezed out most of the water from his wet hair, looking for his hair-dryer before remembering that he had last left it in his bedroom. Crossing through his apartment on naked feet in his underwear only, Haruki's eyes fell on his smartphone on the couch and he stopped right in the doorway frame of his bedroom.

Head turned back towards the couch, Haruki's body followed, turning around and walking over to the small device with the notification light blinking. Picking up his smartphone, Haruki unlocked the screen and looked at the message with wide eyes. He really had given up his hope and anticipation to hear from Akihiko after a while and now that there was undoubtedly a text from him on his phone, Haruki couldn't believe his eyes.

He had to read the short message a few times before his brain caught up. Since Akihiko had only named a place in his demand to meet him, Haruki concluded that the time meant right away. A look at the timestamp told him that the message had been sent almost 20 minutes ago. Haruki cursed his decision to take a long shower today and hastily stumbled into his bedroom to throw some clothes on.

A nervous excitement took hold of Haruki. Akihiko had finally texted him and now he wanted to meet with him so suddenly? Talk about a surpise! He was so not prepared for this but pushed aside his fear to fish the address of the named location out of the jumbled thoughts in his mind.

Standing in front of his wardrobe like a deer in the headlights, Haruki just randomly grabbed the nearest sweatpants and oversized hoodie. His damp hair all forgotten, he pulled on a random pair of socks, rushed to pick up his phone, wallet and keys and slid into his sneakers in the entrance.

The fear of being too late to the meet-up and missing Akihiko made Haruki fall into a little jog to get to his car. He swiftly slid inside, putting the key into the ignition and buckling up. But before he started the engine, Haruki quickly typed a message back to Akihiko, since he hadn't replied to him yet.

"On my way!"

The drive felt three times longer than it actually was. Haruki couldn't park directly in front of the building since it had its own private parking lot but he tried to get as close as possible. He locked the car and walked the rest of the way. At this time of day, long after closing hour, the huge building was almost creepy in the darkness. The deserted street was illuminated by lanterns but they only made the shadows in the nooks of the architecture seem even darker.

Placing himself by one of the lanterns, Haruki looked around for Akihiko. His still damp hair quickly grew cold in the cool night air, a shudder wrecking Haruki's body in a chill. The hoodie he was wearing was usually cozy and warming enough, but tense as he was, the cold and fear seemed to easily creep into his bones.

But nothing of this mattered as his only thought was Akihiko. Only a couple of days of separation and Haruki's desire to see his boyfriend was so strong, it was almost a physical need, a real ache in his chest.

Akihiko grabbed a cab from the roadside, giving the driver the address to the studio which he was headed to. The drive to the studio was silent. The music from the radio played softly in the background but did nothing to assuage Akihiko's nerves. His fingers twisted in the hem of his shirt nervously, scratching against his skin as he fidgeted restlessly. He needed to know. He was dying to know. It felt suffocating.

The moment the cab stopped in front of the studio, Akihiko tossed a few bills to the driver and hopped out, slamming the car door shut behind him.

At this time of the night, there was no one around in the district. Akihiko stepped around the side of the studio, leaning against a wall as he waited for Haruki to arrive. From his position, he would be able to spot Haruki from the moment the other arrived at the front of the studio.

The cold was Akihiko's only companion as he waited tensely. If he had been thinking properly, perhaps he would have thought to put on an extra layer before stepping out into the cold night. But as it was, he found himself unable to think clearly. He shivered, teeth chattering slightly as his gaze swept the street anxiously.

The lone pair of footsteps echoed on the street, seeming extra loud in the silence of the night. The person was still a distance away, only a vague silhouette could be seen. As the person approached, his feature still enveloped by shadows, Akihiko knew that it was Haruki. He just knew.

Indeed, as the person walked beneath a lantern, Akihiko was able to make out Haruki's blond hair, hazel eyes and delicate facial features. The other was dressed warmly in a hoodie, having made a wiser wardrobe choice than Akihiko had.

Akihiko pushed away from the wall that he was leaning against, slipping his cold hands into his pockets. The cold was momentarily forgotten as he drank in the sight of the man in front of him. He truly missed having the other's presence around him and as longing hit him, tears prickled in his eyes. Akihiko forced the tears back, biting down on his lips.

On the drive to the studio, Akihiko had rehearsed in his mind what he would say the moment he saw Haruki. He had an entire script prepared in his head, every single question and statement listed out in full.

But now as Haruki's footsteps grew closer and closer, Akihiko's mind resembled a blank sheet of paper. All his careful preparations seemed to have evaporated into mist. He could only stand there, gazing dumbly at the other.

"Haruki...," was the only thing he managed to say.

Haruki startled when he heard some movement from the shadows. Standing in the light himself, he couldn't really see who was approaching him but there was only one possibility: the man who had called him to this place.

Unless he was really unlucky and a robbery was about to happen, but as the person slowly stepped closer towards the light of the street lamp, Haruki could clearly make out Akihiko's features.

Haruki's face wore a strange expression when their eyes met, a weird mixture of pain and longing and the sorry attempt at a smile morphing it into a pathetic grimace. But he couldn't help but be overwhelmed by Akihiko's presence. Part of him even surprised that he had really showed up, even if he had been the one to call Haruki to this meet-up.

When Akihiko stopped and didn't say anything, just looking at him, Haruki took a few tentative steps towards him. All he wanted to do was to run towards him and pull him into a tight embrace but there was tension in the air and Haruki did not want to make a wrong move, not knowing what was going on.

His name on Akihiko's lips was quiet but sounded loud spoken into the silence between them.

"Hey," Haruki replied stupidly, even giving a shy wave of his hand as a greeting.

He left it hanging in front of him, hesitant, wanting to reach out to Akihiko, to touch and confirm once more that he was really there, that his eyes and ears weren't playing a trick on him. Instead he pulled it back, grabbing the fabric of his hoodie sleeve in some kind of half self-hug.

It was a bit unnerving that Akihiko hadn't said more than his name so far. Haruki still didn't know why he had suddenly been called to this meeting but he did not have a good feeling about it now that he was standing here.

His insides twisted into a tight knot. Akihiko looked troubled and it only served to make Haruki even more unsettled.

"Akihiko?" he took another step closer.

"What is going on? Are you alright? Please talk to me, Akihiko!"

Haruki's voice was desperate, shaking with fear. Was Akihiko going to break up with him? Was that it? No more chances? It couldn't be, not after what they had been through already. They could still talk, couldn't they? Silently, Haruki pleaded and begged, sending a quiet prayer up to whatever deity was merciful enough to listen.

Akihiko took in Haruki's expression and tone, pain hitting him as he realised that he was the reason for putting that look of fear in Haruki's eyes. He had been so selfish, caught up in his own insecurities that he had not even stopped to consider how Haruki felt. As much he had been suffering for the past few days, Haruki had shared the same hell as him.

Caught in an impulse, Akihiko closed the distance between the two of them, arms going around Haruki in an embrace. The combination of his nerves and the chilling cold wind caused him to start shivering all over again. Haruki's warmth pressing against him was a form of deep solace.

"I'm sorry," Akihiko managed to say. His eyes felt hot and there was a lump in his throat that prevented him from speaking. Akihiko took in deep breathes in an attempt to calm himself down but the inhalation of the frigid air was no help. He pulled away from Haruki.

"Let's... let's talk inside," Akihiko suggested, gesturing to the studio behind them. The studio would be locked but there was a waiting area which might not be. It would be warmer and more comfortable inside.

The hug came unexpected to say it midly. Haruki was outright shocked for three seconds before he noticed how Akihiko was trembling in his hold, unsure if it was just due to the cold or more. But it made him even more aware how much he had yearned for a simple touch and now Akihiko had granted him a whole embrace.

The apology mumbled into his shoulder made his heart twinge. They were both just fools who didn't want anything to be how it was right now but there was no changing the past so all they could do was to finally talk.

Haruki let Akihiko slip out of his arms, instantly missing the contact. He nodded and walked over to the building, pushing against the doors, mildly surprised that they were actually open. The foyer lit up thanks to the motion detector being triggered by their presence.

Looking around, Haruki noticed that there were a couple of pin boards with bulletins, information about various stuff. Flyers, leaflets, catalogues, application forms etc. were all available in big, white stands. It explained why the foyer was still seemingly easily accessible around the clock when the rest of the building was closed.

After his little inspection, he turned around to face Akihiko. Hands in front of him, Haruki was nervously fiddling with his fingers.

"So...," he gulped. Simultaneously wanting and not wanting to get this over with.

"You must have a reason for calling me here at this time."

Steeling his nerves, Haruki determinedly looked straight ahead, right into Akihiko's eyes.

This was the moment of truth. Akihiko cleared his dry throat, suddenly unable to meet Haruki's eyes. He leaned back against the wall, eyes fixed on the floor as though it was the most interesting thing to look at.

"I..." Akihiko's throat failed him. He cleared it again, swallowing painfully as he made another attempt to speak.

"I have something to ask." Akihiko knew he was stalling. It wasn't that the question was difficult to ask. It was just that he couldn't really bear to hear the answer.

"The bandage on your arm... it's not to cover your injury. It's to conceal your... soulmark, right?"

At least he had finally managed to get the question out. It hung heavy in the air between the two of them. Akihiko was still too afraid to look up, not wanting to see Haruki's expression.

Despite his need to know, Akihiko was momentarily hit with a childish desire to cover his ears so that he would not have to hear Haruki's reply.

Haruki had thought that he was prepared to talk. He had thought they would slowly circle closer to the issue and that he would find a point where he could confess about his soulmark. But Akihiko had figured it all out and was just demanding a confirmation of his suspicion.

Not trusting his own voice, Haruki nodded. Akihiko still wasn't looking at him though, and he didn't know if he had seen the subtle movement.

Was it that hard for Akihiko to look at Haruki? Was he that disgusted and repulsed by his discovery? He had to be, why else would he have fled the hotel like that at the time?

Haruki rapidly blinked his eyes, forcing upwelling tears back. No crying, not now.

"I...I discovered it that night at the hotel. It was starting to form and I was shocked and..."

He bit his lower lip to pull himself together for a moment. Unconsciously, his right hand was grabbing his left upper arm, right where the mark was hidden under layers of fabric und burning into his skin.

"I was panicking. I wanted to tell you at one point but I got scared. We were so busy and it was never the right moment to tell you. And I...I just..."

Haruki felt silly and stupid, babbling on, just spouting excuses. This wasn't what he wanted to say. He needed to let Akihiko know his true worries. But for that he had to open up, be willing to let himself get hurt again. There was no way around it. This was already painful enough.

"I never wanted to hurt you, Akihiko....I don't...I don't want a soulmate. I don't want to find them. I don't want them to come between us."

Feeling his throat close up again, Haruki swallowed hard. No, he couldn't shut down now, couldn't let the fear take over. This was what he had wanted, to finally talk to Akihiko. To share this burden of a secret with the one person he had trusted with his heart.

Taking one step closer to Akihiko, Haruki was slowly reaching for him, moving his right hand grabbing the sleeve of his hoodie towards Akihiko, wo was so underdressed for this weather and time of day, hesitantly grabbing his shirt just a bit above his hem, pinching the fabric between his thumb and forefinger.

He never wanted to let go of that small hold again.

"Akihiko, please," he whined, desperate, not voicing what he was pleading, begging for. Please believe me, please forgive me, please don't leave me.

"I want only you. I _need_ only you."

Haruki lowered his head, staring only at their feet. Some loose strands of hair, still not fully dried, fell into his face, shielding his burning eyes like a curtain.

Akihiko held his breath as he awaited the reply to his question. His gaze remain lowered as the seconds ticked by. Other than the sound of their harsh breathing and Akihiko's heartbeat pounding in his ears, silence reigned between them.

Akihiko's impatience won and he was about to look up and sneak a peek at Haruki's face when the other finally spoke up.

It felt like déjà vu all over again.

This familiar desperation... It was just like when Akihiko had first confessed to Haruki. Despite his heartfelt confessions, his admittance in wanting to be someone fit for Haruki... He had been convinced in his heart back then that Haruki would never accept someone like him. Someone who had hurt him time and again. It had felt as though Haruki was slipping through his fingers, the distance between them widening as Akihiko tried to be better, to hold onto Haruki. To desperately keep Haruki by his side.

Of course, Haruki had gone against his expectations and accepted his confession. He had given Akihiko a second chance and taken away his despair, giving him a new light in his life.

But now... just like how the sun eventually sets at the end of each day, his light was inevitably extinguished. Despair suffocated him as Haruki seemed to be slipping away from him once again.

Despite Haruki's pleas, Akihiko knew. He just knew.

He knew that it was time for everything to end. The appearance of Haruki's soulmark was the alarm that woke him up and brought him back to reality. It was a reminder that Haruki was too good to remain by his side. There was someone else out there in this world who was more deserving of his angel and who could bring true happiness to Haruki. The happiness that Akihiko couldn't give to Haruki.

He turned away from Haruki.

"But I'm not your soulmate."

Haruki lost his grip on Akihiko as he turned around and away from him, the fabric of his shirt slipping right out of his fingers. His hand fell numbly back to his side.

"...What?" Haruki's head shot up.

Was Akihiko rejecting him? Was he ending everything right here and now? Like this? Their happiness they had fought for so long and hard, just thrown to the wind? Even after Haruki had just told him that he didn't care about his soulmate, that he'd always choose him instead?

The questions were swirling in his mind. Haruki did not want to accept this. His icy fear was gradually being replaced by a feeling of anger slowly boiling under his skin.

"What are you saying? Akihiko, look at me."

Unable to hold back the tears any longer, they quickly filled his eyes, making his vision blurry and threatening to spill over. Akihiko's dejected posture, those slumping shoulders and the fact that he had just turned his back on him, it all hurt so much. It wasn't fair, it couldn't all just end like this over some mark on his skin.

"No. No, don't tell me that that's it? Do you really want to throw away everything over a soulmate I might never even meet?" Haruki was growing more agitated by the second. He was going to fight for this, he couldn't just let it all slip through his fingers. Both hands curled into fists, knuckles white from the tension.

"Having a soulmate doesn't mean I'll ever definitely find them. It doesn't mean that I would love them, like I love you! There are so many platonic soulmates out there... I-," Haruki was desperately trying to make his case, trying to make Akihiko understand that he needed him.

"I don't care about them, they are not here, _you_ are!" He was basically shouting now, voice trembling, body shaking, his breath hitching with pain and fury. He didn't even know what exactly he was so angry at. Himself? Akihiko? This whole situation? Life's cruelty? Probably all.

Akihiko maintained his ground, resisting the strong urge to turn around and pull Haruki into his arms. He had to stay firm and not be swayed by his own selfish desires.

"You..." Akihiko choked up and had to clear his throat before making another new attempt to speak. "You don't even know who your soulmate is yet. How can you be so sure that I am the person for you when there is someone out there who would perfectly complement you and be everything you need?"

He inhaled deeply. "I love you, Haruki. I want the best for you and that's not me."

Akihiko turned around to face Haruki, the sight of the other's glistening eyes crashing into him. His chest felt tight and he itched to reach out to the other.

"Haruki... I'm sorry..."

Haruki never voiced it but he couldn't deny that there was a certain cruel truth to Akihiko's words. If he was honest, he did feel a pull towards his soulmate, growing stronger everyday since the mark's appearance on his skin. There was a deep-seated yearning in his heart, his soul, for that other person, wherever they were.

And still, it didn't have to mean what Akihiko clearly thought it meant. Haruki strongly clung to that denial, because he did not want to lose what he had right now.

It hurt. So much. It hurt to hear Akihiko tell him he loved him and yet making this choice on his behalf because he thought it was the best for Haruki. And yet, when Akihiko finally turned around to face him, his green eyes held such sorrow, such deep pain, that sight alone broke Haruki completely.

He looked up into those pained eyes, his own brows scrunched up in a grimace of misery and confusion. All he could do was to shake his head, unable to accept Akihiko's decision much less his apology.

"No." Another shake of his head. He blinked and his tears were finally pushed to spill over and roll down his cheeks.

"...No.....n-no, no..."

Haruki knew Akihiko was ending things now and he meant it. He understood in a way that he was just trying to spare the both of them even more pain along the road. Probably not wanting to hear these words of breaking them up from Haruki instead.

"That's not your decision to make...," he tried weakly, a last attempt at holding out against the inevitable. Sure, Haruki should know what would be the best for himself better than anyone else. But it was still in Akihiko's hands to end a relationship that didn't bring him happiness anymore.

He reached out for Akihiko with his right arm, his shaking hand gently cupping Akihiko's cheek, letting his thumb caress the warm skin underneath it. He wanted to pull him in, to kiss him and never let him go.

But he froze with the relization that this was the end to their second chance. He had messed it all up, had hurt Akihiko and now he wouldn't even let him end it on his terms? Wouldn't spare Akihiko more heartbreak and grief? Was he that cruel?

Haruki didn't even think about what this would mean for the band. It didn't even cross his mind. At that moment he couldn't care less about anything else. He had no right to lament his own woe when he had brought such devastation upon Akihiko.

With quivering lips and his whole chin trembling from trying to hold his breakdown at bay, he could only breath out a few short, quiet words:

"I'm so sorry..."

Akihiko reached out, wiping away Haruki's tears with the pad of his thumb, his hands brushing against the warmth of the other's cheeks. This might be the very last time that he gets to do this for Haruki, Akihiko realised. In that same moment, another thought crossed his mind: Haruki would never have to be shedding tears again now that Akihiko would be out of his life.

He pulled back his hand, letting it dangle by his side limply. At this proximity, Akihiko had a clear view of Haruki's face. Every single thought that crossed the other's expression was impossible to miss, especially given how well he knew the other. The dilemma that flashed within Haruki's eyes, Akihiko witnessed clearly.

Akihiko took a few steps back, moving himself out of Haruki's reach. The sensation of Haruki's touch lingering on his skin only added to the tension building within his chest. He dug his nails into his palm and willed himself to maintain his composure.

"Please be happy," was all he said as he walked away from Haruki, walked out of the other's life for good.


End file.
